The week Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) starts college, the Decepticons make trouble in Shanghai. A presidential envoy believes it’s because the Autobots are around and wants them gone. But the Decepticons need access to Sam’s mind to see some glyphs imprinted there that will lead them to a fragile object that, when inserted in an alien machine hidden in Egypt for centuries, will give them the power to blow out the sun. Sam, his girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox), and Sam’s parents are in danger. Optimus Prime and Bumblebee are Sam’s principal protectors, but an ancient race of Transformers are after Sam and Optimus. Directed by Michael Bay (Pearl Harbor, Armageddon)
Rating: 4 out of 10
If I were 10 years old, I’d love this movie. But I’m not, and I’m not crazy about this movie.
Sure, a part of my boyhood self enjoys seeing Optimus Prime and Megatron duke it out, but it gets to points where it’s so bad it makes you slap your forehead with a cringe. There’s a scene where the Destructicons — a group of Transformers made of construction vehicles that form into a giant Transformer — are tearing apart a pyramid in Egypt. One of the characters is below the Destructicons and looks up at its scrotum — made of two wrecking balls clanging together with a church bell sound emitting through the desert.
There are slick action sequences, the only thing Bay seems to know how to do, and very little else. The plot is thin, confusing and ridiculous. But that’s the grown up in me talking. If you have kids ages 5-13, this movie is right in their wheelhouse. Unfortunately, these types of flicks have passed me by.