Top 5 Worst Directors Working Today

Brian

There is no dearth of wretched films out there today and no shortage of directors more than happy to jump at the chance to make them. But these guys are the kings of pumping out drivel. It was tough, be we did it. Here are the Top 5 Worst directors working today.

 

This is really Paul W.S. Anderson with a Try Harder t-shirt on. We can't make this stuff up, people.

5. Paul W.S. Anderson: This is not to be confused with the brilliant Paul T. Anderson who directed “Boogie Nights.” Paul W.S. Anderson is one of the many shit directors that are hired to plug into a film because it has name recognition off the bat. He then takes the shitty and makes an even shittier movie.

Notable lowlights: Mortal Kombat, Aliens vs. Predator, and Resident Evil

 

Robbins on the set of "Norbit," the bomb he directed starring Eddie Murphy.

4. Brian Robbins: He’s current king of directing bad comedies. His schlock resume is an embarrassment to laughter and his skills behind a camera are legendarily bad. It’s a shame people like this continue to get work.

Notable lowlights: Norbit, Good Burger, Ready 2 Rumble, The Shaggy Dog remake and Meet Dave.

 

Same to you, Uwe. Same to you.

3. Uwe Bolle: The go-to-guy for creating movies out of video games and then making them tragically awful. Imagine taking the loosest and most inane plots in the world and figuring out ways to make it worse with jerky camerawork, terrible acting, and one horrible decision after another. All of his films are like horrendous 90-minute MTV videos.

Notable lowlights: House of the Dead, Bloodrayne, Bloodrayne 2, and Seed.

 

Roland Emmerich is below... or is it the top?

2. Roland Emmerich: I remember going to see “Independence Day” opening weekend. There was so much hype leading up to its release and the special effects shots looked great in the trailers. I’m sitting in the theater and the moment it starts going, I can still taste the disdain that I felt for Roland Emmerich. The best way to describe his movies is if someone took a lump of dog shit and wrapped it up in beautiful paper and tied it up with a silk bow. You see the package beforehand and you think, “I’ve got to get that.” Then, the horror you feel as you open that package and realize there’s nothing but a turd inside. Yep, screw you Roland!!

Notable lowlights: Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow, Independence Day, 2012, 10,000 B.C.

Wow, another disaster movie from Emmerich… who would have thought?

1. Michael Bay is everything I hate about the movies. Big budget over-hyped empty shells of films with the weakest scripts imaginable and a ton of talent working behind the scenes. See, that’s the biggest problem with Michael Bay. His films cost between $100-200 million per flick which allows him to hire the best people that the film business can offer. And despite all these brilliant people around him, he is so disgustingly untalented that he manages to screw up every film he has ever made and reduced them to the laughing stocks that they are. He’s the worst director in the world and created the worst film I have ever seen in my life in “Pearl Harbor.”

Notable Lowlights:   Pearl Harbor, Transformers 1 and 2, Bad Boys 1 and 2, and Armageddon

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This is an excellent short film on killing Michael Bay:

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36 responses to “Top 5 Worst Directors Working Today

  1. M Night Shyalaman is definitely the WORST now!!!!

  2. I have to admit I find that Michael Bay commercial hilarious.

  3. I must confess I don’t mind Roland Emmerich at all. Sure, his movies are dumb, but no more so than the classic disaster movies of the 70s. Put it this way, if I had to rescue either Bay or Emmerich from certain death, it would be the latter every time.

    I would take Emmerich out and put Stephen Sommers in. I’ve hated every single one of this movies. Van Helsing was one of the worst movies ever made. He seems to be on a mission to piss on every classic Universal monster before he dies.

    And let’s throw in Superhack Brett Ratner too. No style, no signature and able to make any franchise just that little bit bland.

    • I hated the disaster movies from the 70’s too. In fact, every disaster movie completely fucking sucks; The Core, Armageddon, Towering Inferno, Twister, Volcano, Dante’s Peak, Deep Impact, and The Poseidon Adventure. I know there’s people that love these flicks but I can’t stand them. I’m pretty sure Matt is in agreement with me on this one.

      • I liked “The Road,” which was an Armageddon movie. And “Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb” is a classic disaster movie. “Children of Men” was fantastic and “War of the Worlds” was fun, too.

        I can’t speak on Emmerich because I’ve avoided his movies because they didn’t look so great.

      • richardsblah

        Aww, come on. How could you not like The Core? It was so true to life and scientifically plausible and accurate with stuff. 😉

      • Poor Irwin (master of disaster) Allen’s legacy…blah…some disaster flicks are a guilty pleasure for me but you hit the nail on the head, Brian.

      • Poor Irwin (master of disaster) Allen’s legacy…blah…some disaster flicks are a guilty pleasure for me but you hit the nail on the head, Brian

      • sorry for posting that twice…

  4. I don’t think The Road or Children of Men or Dr. Strangelove qualify as “disaster” movies. Disaster movies are generally films where the “disaster” is the star of the film. Dr. Strangelove is a black comedy and The Road and Children of Men qualify as post-apocalyptic films.

  5. mcarteratthemovies

    I will never, EVER forgive Roland Emmerich for ruining the cheesy, dude-in-a-cheap-lizard-suit goodness of the old Godzilla films with CGI. Der.

    If I had my druthers, Ulli Lommel would top this list. He continues to take fascinating serial killers — BTK, the Green River Killer — and make abysmally awful films about them.

  6. I’m gonna have to say this–the Pearl Harbor song from ‘Team America’ sings true…at least about Michael Bay.

  7. Not a bad shout having Michel Bay number 1. Bay makes ‘mainstream’ movies though with big name stars and recognised concepts so it’s almost understandable that he is allowed the budgets he uses as they generate interest. Paul W.S. Anderson just plain confuses me on the other hand, his budgets are growing for every movie he puts out and there’s nothing to them, there just plain awful, it genuinely confuses me how he makes a profit on these movies. There so bad! Somebody make it stop! I’ve seen better trailers for 70s B-movies than Resident Evil: Afterlife and that’s got a budget of $60million!

    • Oh my lord. It’s hard to believe someone handed Paul W.S. Anderson $60 million. He must be the most smooth-talking S.O.B. on the planet.

      Thank for the comment, P. Levy and thanks for reading!

  8. I’m completely surprised no one though of catherine hardwicke. In my opinion she’s earned a spot on the list for her whole twilight thing.

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  10. And yet Michael Bay has not one, but TWO films on Criterion!
    -I’ve already cleared a spot on my shelf for “Essential Art House: The Transformers Saga.”

  11. Hahahaha. Great comments, Pat. And Criterion’s blu-rays have been fantastic.

  12. Michael Bay has his faults and made plenty of hollow bad films, but at least he has made a few entertaining films like the island and transformers 1. Yes, you can switch off your brain in these films, but they deliver in visuals and action. At lot of people hate Bay just because his films are so expensive and tend to lack good characterization, but Emmerich is ten times worst than anyone on the list.

    Emmerich has never made a good or entertaining film. His formula is always the same in all his movies. Make the visual effects the star. Have a famous landmark get destroyed in the film for trailer hype. Try and baffle the audience with poor science, so they don’t realise the plot is weak and predictable. Have good actors play 1d characters to fool the audience into thinking the script and characterization isn’t bad. Use as many cliques as possible like white guy with relationship problems as the hero (Goldblum/Brodderick/Cusack) and the black or foreign guy as the supporting actor. Plus use tact on weak humour to give the illusion of depth. You would think given the number of films he has made that characters would have more depth, less cliques and better scripts, but no.

    He is a director of the old Hollywood system is and suffering from the fact that American’s creative and artistic heartlands of LA and New York have lost their cool and edge. America’s creative energy is much lower than other places around the world and this has lead to a decline in America directors. Most of American’s best directors are old. It isn’t a coincidence that the better films tend to be made by British and mostly Londoner directors. London is really the coolest and hippest city in the world and that is why it has an edge and a creative energy that no city can match and this is why the best directors tend to live in London.

  13. What? No Seltzer and Friedberg?!

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  15. Wow. That’s a helluva list most of which I have to agree with. Seems like you struck a nerve with folks wanting to tack on other worse-worsts, or argue about why they think X is better than all that. I would have to say that while Bay admittedly makes movies for 15 year old boys, and his films are bloated budget-heavy monstrosities of action and violence without consequences, not to mention his general lack of interest in character development and sophisticated stories with engaging plots, he is also one of the most talented movie mechanics working in the genre.

    All that other stuff aside, you know the stuff most of us damn side demand in our movies, there is a sophistication to his technical command of cinematic action that begs attention and praise. I’m not suggesting you should like him or even change your opinion, only offering a different perspective and thoughts on a filmmaker that makes big mistakes but only because he’s making big movies.

    I for one would love to see him collaborate with a better story artist, someone with a command of acting, performance and emotional relationships – harnessing all the things we prefer and marrying them with the action and roller coaster prowess of Bay might just meet opposing camps in the middle. Then again, he seems to keep his core audience happy enough and when you’re making that kind of money (which of course has nothing to do with ‘good’ movies and bad movies) you’re going to keep on keeping on. Hollywood is a business after all. cheers->

    • Rory,

      Great comment! Very much appreciated.

      I would argue that great directors can combine amazing action and adventure with excellent story telling. Look at Steven Spielberg. The Indiana Jones Movies are a perfect example of how popcorn movies can be entertaining and good.

      Also, I think Super 8 did an excellent job of this. The Iron Man movies, Dark Knight, Die Hard, and if you look at people trying to make extreme action, Quentin Tarantino’s Death Proof is fantastic. Machete, in the same vein, is also excellent. It is possible to have the meeting in the middle.

      I honestly think Bay does exactly what he wants. I think he knows his stories are ridiculous. I would agree with you, though, that he is an amazing mechanic with action and use of the camera. Probably the best in Hollywood. However, that doesn’t make it a good movie, and his taste in story choices and storytelling is awful.

      Thanks for reading!

    • Oh, I also forgot, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon!

  16. Your post reminds me of something:
    My girlfriend, while watching Transformer 3 in cinema, had a bad headache. She thought that she get sick so she decided to buy some medicines after it’s over. As soon as she finished the movie, the headache was GONE, Then she realized that all the Special Effect mess in the movie was the main reason for her headache.
    I always found it hilarious.

  17. To be honest Id leave Roland Emmerich out due to the fact that i genuinely did enjoy Independence Day

  18. sdfsdoifjsdoijf

    McG, McG and McG!!!!
    How the hell was he not put on this list?!!!
    The man behind the fucking awful Charlies Angels franchise buthched and killed one of the greatest science fiction dramas ever made- The Terminator franchise, with his awful Terminator Salvation. The movie was so bad that not even the very great Christian Bale could do anything to save it.

    Fuck Hollywood these days. Anything with CGI, big explosions and some lousy big A list actor, and you are a successful filmmaker. Whatever happened to intelligent story telling? Thank God we still have Danny Boyle and Christopher Nolan.

    • I agree there about Boyle and Nolan. T Salvation is a guilty pleasure for me but it is very flawed, I agree. It makes a killer blu ray though. But just because it looks great on an HDTV does not mean it’s a good movie. Thanks for reading!

      – Victor

  19. Len Wiseman should be on this list from his godawful Underworld series to the watered down version of a Die Hard movie and remaking Total Recall into a bland tasteless crap.

    Plus he has to put his shitty actress of a wife in almost everything.

  20. yuup, it’s hard to be a good actor + be a good director….. both of them are mean by personality, absolutely meaningless by their work. pheeeew, Hollywood really sucks.

  21. Why the Hell isn’t John Moore on this list the guy is a fucking hack He’s made Max Payne, which worse then any Paul Anderson or Michael Bay film in my opinion and most recently Die Hard 5 or A Good Day To Die Hard which was the worst Die Hard movie ever. And yet you put Michael Bay as the number 1 worst. Watch one of John Moores films I’m sure you’ll change your mind real fast bud.

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