‘Poo poo, pee pee,’ and other unintelligent things my brother says that, apparently, our readers want

Brian on the playground with his pals.

This column is in response to Brian’s complaint that Matt is censoring him. Editor’s note: graphic content


I felt like I was on another planet when I was having a conversation with my big brother where he was arguing the merits of using the term “butt fuck.”

Normally foul language doesn’t offend me. I’m not a big curse-word user when I speak or write, but I’m not a church mouse by any stretch of the imagination. I do swear, just like most people. But there’s a difference between swearing with purpose and using as a hateful language or swearing as an adjective because you lack the vocabulary to express yourself in more clever ways.

When Brian was reviewing “Prince of Persia,” he referred to Jake Gyllenhall as the guy who got “butt fucked in Brokeback Mountain.” Now, this was used in a completely homophobic and demeaning way, in my opinion. He was putting Gyllenhall down for playing the role of a gay man and for doing a same-sex love scene in a film. To me, if I were reading this blog for the first time — as you may be doing now — you’d likely look at us as a couple of immature schmucks who are just another in a long line of jerks who pile on the mound of crappy blogs that are filling the internet. I like to think we’re a little better, a little smarter, and can be more clever than the average moron who takes up cyberspace with awful, immature blogs. The phrase about Gyllenhall was changed to “the catcher in Brokeback Mountain,” which was a little less offensive, but only by the slimmest of margins. I felt it was at least a little more clever.

I’d also like to think that as a man well into his thirties, a father, with an established career as a director, he’d want  smarter ways of being funny than saying, “fag” “shit” and “fuck” — all words I’ve repeatedly removed from his reviews. But, you guys have been voting in overwhelming favor that you prefer Brian swearing and using phrases like “butt fuck.” That seems hard to believe. Almost as hard to believe that I’m writing a column about it.

Enjoy some swearing (in a clever way):


20 responses to “‘Poo poo, pee pee,’ and other unintelligent things my brother says that, apparently, our readers want

  1. I think you guys will start getting bucket loads of negative commentaries once he starts swearing in the world wide web… but people, in general, like blood. Maybe whomever voted against your censure-ship was simply manifesting against it, but not necessarily against what was being censored.

  2. These are great points. Sometimes a little controversy is a good thing, and I’m glad we’re having this conversation with our readers rather than just amongst ourselves.

    I took him to task here, but I think he needed a little slap on the wrist.

    • I’m sure he needed that little slap, we all do from time to time, I wish I had a blog with my brother, hahaha I also think butt-fuck is far too strong for a blog..

  3. OK, but where’s the beef? I was waiting with baited breath to see how Brian would do with his newfound freedom, but there’s only been the Inception review. Like the Carlin clip, though. Also, Sarah Silverman’s book has a very funny discussion of “pee pee” vs. “pee”…

  4. It really frustrates me when people view “Brokeback Mountain” in such a simple way. I mean, have you even seen the movie? It’s not just about two gay cowboys, it’s much, much deeper than that. That’s like if someone mentioned the movie “Precious” around me and I responded with, “Oh, Precious? You mean that movie about that fat, black girl?”

    You know, now that I think about it, I have yet to hear someone say something like that about “Precious” but have heard countless jokes about “Brokeback Mountain.” Seems like people are more at ease criticizing a film involving the love between two homosexuals but not a film about the hardships of living in a major metropolitan area.

  5. So where, exactly, does Brian stand on butt fucking? Has he got a backend story on the subject?

    • Hahaha. Well played, Joe.

      I’m pretty sure Brian’s OK with butt fucking. But I can’t answer for him. I think there are some homophobic tendencies lurking barely below the surface, even if he doesn’t want to say it.

      He’s been quiet on the subject today, though.

  6. Ok, ok. I had to write a response on this one. I have a very abrasive sense of humor but I truly have love for everyone. I’ve said before that I work in the media business and am surrounded by plenty of homosexuals and minorities that are very close friends of mine. In fact, several of them use the phrase “butt fuck” when we’re joking around. I’m a big believer if we can laugh at one another’s differences and not take ourselves too seriously, the world would be a far better place.
    Sometimes I feel abrasive humor just works, at least for me. Humor is an extremely subjective thing and one person’s trash is another’s treasure. Very few people’s favorite comedians match up because we all laugh at different things. Matt and I actually have the same sense of humor but I’m more willing to put it on public display and he is not.

    Oh, and as far as me not using my new found freedom of cursing up a storm. Just wait till a new Willl Smith movie comes out. You just wait……

  7. Here’s the thing: I actually agree with Matt completely on this one but only for part of the reason he’s suggested.

    My reason is simple: Both of you present yourselves in this blog as professionals in the field of journalism and entertainment. Well if you’re going to present yourselves as professionals in order to lend credibility to the content you post , you should try to play the part, ESPECIALLY if you are using your real names and have day jobs (see: ‘Boiler Room’ – “Act as if.”)

    This blog is becoming increasingly more popular to the point where it has been a featured blog on WordPress itself and now it has been added to the LAMB. Did I hear this right that you’re getting 6,000 hits a day, now? Sorry, gentleman, but after a few short months, you are gaining in popularity exponentially (you were at 1,000 when you were featured on WordPress).

    This means more notoriety and far more exposure and it’s at least at the point now that the wrong person at either one of your places of employment could make your life a living hell because something they read that you posted that they didn’t like. That should be the current concern for both of you considering that you both work for employers with VERY public faces and I guarantee that if you read your employee handbooks there are specific “media clauses” that outline their policies about what you say and do even in your off-time that could paint them in a bad light.

    This blog is becoming very successful and in about a year, you boys may be able to actually make some money off of this little hobby of yours. The problem you have is that if you continue to intentionally appeal to the most base and puerile of audiences you’re going to alienate a much larger portion of your potential audience. To gain credibility, you really need to appeal to the middle. The caustic and abrasive tone along with the language, although I wouldn’t say it’s offensive, it’s certainly not endearing.

    The thing about it though, is that from an objective perspective, it just comes off as lazy more than anything. Brian’s sarcasm and wit is very clever and frankly this attempt to appeal to a handful of people who like this approach is unbecoming. It may sound clichéd, but Brian truly is better than this. I say this personally from knowing him my whole life (it was Brain Volke who taught me how to deal with Jehovah ‘s Witnesses: “I told them I worship Yoda.”) and from enjoying much of his content on this blog.

    Yes, I have heard the claims that Brian has legions of fans who support this approach but I really question that assertion. He may have had a handful of positive responses but most people who don’t like something on a blog don’t complain, they just don’t come back or they just ignore the content they don’t like. Like I said, now you have 6,000 hits per day, it’d be very unlikely that the crassness is what’s keeping them coming back or increasing the blog’s status.

    Now as for the assertion that the “phrase in question” is homophobic or hateful… first I hate the abuse and misuse of the word “homophobic.” The word itself implies a fear of homosexuals, which implies an ignorance and it’s simply a label applied to anyone or anything that is deemed as politically incorrect in reference to homosexuals or their various political agendas.

    So let’s agree to erase that word right now from the conversation and only bring it out when Brian or anyone else actually does demonstrate behaviors consistent with a fear of homosexuals. So, unless Brian goes to prison anytime soon, I don’t think that a fear of homosexuals will be an issue.

    So now that we’ve gotten past this imaginary fear of homosexuals, let’s examine the issue of hateful words. Simply put, they do not exist.

    Matt, you’re quick to post a George Carlin clip where he simply cites the endless list of “dirty words” but you miss the point about Carlin and words. He was a true philosopher when it came to the English language and I refer you to 10 years earlier than that clip on the album ‘Occupation Foole’ (which I seem to refer to a lot) where he distinguishes between bad words and and intentions.

    Words are words. They aren’t evil or hateful unless there’s the intent behind them and it’s usually pretty easy to spot in context. I don’t find anything hateful about Brian’s use of the “phrase in question” in that context as he was simply describing the actor in the film in question. I just find it uncouth. Brian is an equal opportunity offender and he didn’t single out homosexual behavior to attack homosexuals, he did it because it was the easiest target in his comedic crosshairs at that moment. It was opportunistic (and almost impossible to avoid when discussing Jake Gyllenhall) and if there was another target available based on any sub-sect of American culture he would have taken his shot based on that.

    I think we can all agree that our diversity is not only what makes us all wonderful as Americans and human beings, but it’s also what makes us all funny as hell, too. As individuals, as part of our own ethnic groups or social structures, our stereotypes, ideosynchrosies, and our differences, for better or worse, are what define us in the comedy universe. This should be embraced. I do. My favorite jokes are Irish jokes… and jokes about bears and hunters… of which I’m neither… but coming full circle on the subject at hand, if I was a homosexual, I would definitely be a bear.

    Just because a word is caustic doesn’t make it hateful and for the record despite what many people think, individual interpretation does not define bigotry, intent does. Carlin knew this all too well and although your other points are well-taken as I noted, it’s not fair to assign bigoted motivations based simply on words without context to support those assertions.

  8. Shawn’s post it absolutely dead on and as a resolution to the subject, I have no intention of cursing for cursing’s sake. I’m a huge Howard Stern fan and learned a lot about the beauty of his humor after he went to Sirius satellite radio and was given c0omplete freedom. He only used over the top sexuality and cursing as a means to tell his jokes, not to just “shock people.” That’s the approach that I will endeavor to acheive as we continue this blog and I’m proud to be a part of it. But, when a film sucks and I feel the need to curse about how it wasted my time, I’m going to do it. 🙂

  9. Kevin Smith told me to tell you to clean it up, boys.

  10. You should use the word “Fuck” like you would freshly ground pepper. Not every dish needs it. When added at just the right time, pow! You have intense flavors.

    When you drop the f-bomb all the time, the word no longer has any power. Imagine the reaction if Obama dropped it when addressing the Republicans. I think his poll numbers would go up.

    • Hey Bill,

      Thanks for your continued readership of The Movie Brothers! We appreciate it.

      I have to agree with you. If you’re going to curse, you have to do it effectively. It has to be clever, not just an adjective when you can’t think of anything more clever.


  11. Yes, I agree. Taking that a step further, Obama should take Mr. Drinkmore’s lead and Brian’s lead and actually say “butt fuck” or “butt fucker” or any other variation of that whenever the opportunity presents itself with Republicans. I would also recommend the use of the terms “ass commando,” “butt pirate,” or “butt plumber” randomly be used just randomly like when he’s speaking to kindergarten classes, nursing homes or church groups.

    Furthermore, I’d like to say that I am thrilled to see that a guy named Drinkmore is providing valuable political commentary and insight in reference to the use of the word “butt fucker.” I too believe that this whole country would be a better place if this Administration and all of the rest that will follow would just embrace the term “butt fucker.”

    Drinkmore: it’s not just a name, it’s a good idea and a valid lifestyle choice. 🙂

  12. Pingback: Demented Teaching Tip #1: Kevin Smith In the Classroom « Worst Professor Ever

  13. If Obama called anyone a butt pluber, I might actually vote for him to stay in office. As it currently stands, I would not.

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