The Expendables

Barney (Sylvester Stallone) leads a ragtag band of hired guns charged with overthrowing a South American despot, a job no official military unit is willing to touch. But once on the ground, the team learns there’s more to the mission than they were told. Their next move determines whether they survive — or are, indeed, expendable. Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren and Jet Li round out a stellar cast.

Rating: 3 out of 10

I wrote this movie in the first grade.

It was called “The Best Team.” My epic tale was about a group made up of myself, my brother, cousin, and a couple friends who were part of a secret group of commandos for hire. Each of us had a specialty — I carried a samurai sword, my brother had a big machine gun, my cousin could do all these crazy flips and stuff, and my other friends were experts with uzis and martial arts. We had to go save a princess who was being held in a castle by an evil bad guy named Mr. Time.

In “The Expendables,” you have a group of for-hire commandos, each with their own special skills who are after a girl held up in a castle. This movie couldn’t be more predictable, trite, boring, and less creative. There are some decent special effects and the absurd action sequences you’d expect. I actually had a little hope for this, since it was written and directed by Sylvester Stalone, who also co-starred as the leader of The Expendables. Stalone is a good writer when he cares about a project, like “Rocky” or “Balboa.”

There was some potential. It could have been a nostalgic look back at some of the action stars of the 80s. But this one flopped big time.

12 responses to “The Expendables

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  2. After speaking with you last week about this, I’m still heartbroken. 😦

    I was hoping it would at least be fun.

  3. You criticize without having seen “The A-Team.” Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame-O!

  4. I have to side with Matt on this one. I can’t see a scenario where the A-Team is even average. But, I’m always honest and will eat crow if I like it.

  5. lol @ ” I wrote this film in the first grade”
    I have been hoping for a solid remake of Sam Peckinpah’s The Killer Elite. Bruce Willis and Mathew McConaughey would work.

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  7. I think I would rather watch “The Best Team”! Sounds great!

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