The Ten Worst Movies We’ve Ever Seen

Our two-year anniversary has passed. It’s hard to believe it’s gone by so quickly, and it’s even harder to fathom how quickly our site has grown. We never thought when we started that we’d be getting thousands upon thousands of readers and listeners. We humbly thank you all for reading.

And with that said, here’s the crappiest list of movies we could conjure! We’ve been cutting movies from our original list of 45 of the Worst Movies Ever Made until we came down to to these ten prize-winning pigs. Here are the movies that didn’t make the grade… or did? We’re not sure. They all suck so much that we’re not even ranking them. Instead, we’re simply naming these The Ten Worst Movies Ever Made:

Troll 2: There’s a great documentary based on this film called “Best Worst Movie.” This is a cult favorite, because it’s so horrendously bad, but I don’t see the appeal movies of similar ilk, like “Rocky Horror Picture Show.” This is pure crap, with no redeeming qualities in a movie packed with… nothing?

Pearl Harbor: In this reviewer’s humble opinion, the worst film ever made. It takes every possible misstep that a bad movie could possibly make. A stupid and pointless story? Yup! A boring and incomprehensible love triangle? You bet! A huge budget wasted by rudderless direction and bad acting? Of course! If there is one movie I wish I could bleach from my brain so that I couldn’t remember the horrible experience, this would be it!

Jaws: The Revenge: I can’t think of a series that nose dived more sequel to sequel than the Jaws series. The original Jaws is in our top 10 films of all time and its last sequel is in our top 10 worst. This film should never have been made. I can’t even imagine what morons were at the original pitch meeting that green lit this fucking mess. “Ok, we’re going to have a killer shark that is pissed at the Brody family and wants revenge.” What?!?! A vengeful shark that targets a specific family?!?! What were they thinking????

Batman & Robin: Only a film this horrible could have shut down what was, up until then, one of the biggest and profitable franchises in film history. Its visual look could be described as Gotham City if the entire area was one big gay nightclub. It contains the worst dialogue in film history, the worst acting in a comic book film ever, and the dumbest script ever! I would have said this was the worst film I’ve ever seen except that Pearl Harbor tries to recreate a pivotal point in history. This hunk of crap is at least an isolated work of fiction.

 

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie: Offensive in every meaning of the word. It’s disgusting, full of awful acting, voiceover work, special effects, terrible, horrible awful writing that makes you angry when you watch it. Some bad movies are laughable, but this is just in bad taste. I know, it’s a movie about Garbage Pail Kids. What would you expect? Well, maybe something resembling a movie. 

Battlefield Earth: If this is where becoming a scientologist leads you, give back the $240 initiation fee that their church charges to join (if you don’t believe me, click here). John Travolta’s dedication to one of L.Ron Hubbard’s stupid and shitty novels led him to make this horrendous piece of crap. It’s one of those movies that is so horrible that you actually feel nauseous while you’re watching it even when nothing gross is on screen. 

Rampage: An embarrassment to human decency. If you’re going to make a film about a psycho who goes on a bombastic murder spree gunning down innocents, shouldn’t the characters’ motivations and psychological well being be the centerpieces of the film? Well, according to schlock director Uwe Boll, no! His idea is to have the violence be the center. Why? Cause it’s just so bad ass to see a guy in full body armor walk into public places and murder innocent civilians. What a disgustingly stupid waste of time. 

Mannequin 2: On The Move: I have no idea what they were thinking when they wrote this movie. The first one had some campy charm, but this lacks all soul, brevity and whit the first one had. There’s some story about a wizard and a princess frozen in time… blah blah. It’s just a movie that falls flat on it’s face. Wooden in more ways than one.

 

Show Girls: This movie almost made us hate boobs… Almost. There are so many horrible moments, but I think the worst is the fish flopping sex scene. It’s just mind-boggling how someone could put this to celluloid and think it was good. This movie takes itself seriously. It thinks it’s a real movie, which is what makes it bad. If it was just a campy booby movie, it wouldn’t be on the list. But they actually thought they were making a real movie.

 

Mac and Me: As film critic Chris Hicks of The Desert News said: “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a movie that is as crass a 90-minute commercial as Mac and Me.” This is a movie that rips off E.T., with a homesick alien and a boy trying to get him home, but with more product placements than you can shake a stick at. The alien needs Coca-Cola to stay alive, and Ronald McDonald is a supporting cast member. Horrendously unoriginal and lacks any artistic integrity.