Brian’s Review – Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)

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In a twist to the fairy tale, the Huntsman ordered to take Snow White into the woods to be killed winds up becoming her protector and mentor in a quest to vanquish the Evil Queen.

2 out of 10

This is a God awful boring and joyless experience of a film. I could accept how dark it is if it were a crime thriller or some form of horror movie where hope has little meaning. But, for a film about Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, you expect it to have some fantasy or wonder in the experience. It isn’t helped by the fact that the producers decided to cast the worst actress of her generation in Kristen Stewart. She is so painfully untalented and brings absolutely NOTHING to any character she plays. And, she can’t emote! I mean, that’s the entire fucking job! Emoting feelings from the script to be an ambassador of the story!

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She has one acting face and exists somewhere between looking perpetually high on weed and in mid bowel movement. The worst part is that she’s playing Snow White. She’s supposed to be the most beautiful woman in the land (Stewart sure isn’t) and her mere gaze draws people in and makes them happy. Are they kidding with putting her in that kind of role? For instance, the woodsman played by Chris Hemsworth (Thor and Star Trek) is all out for himself and could care less what happens to Snow White. A few scenes later, he’s diving into action and putting his life on the line for hers. Why??? They have almost no dialogue to back up that kind of loyalty. So, is he smitten with her? And if so, why? At this point, I was too bored to care. There aren’t any interesting characters in this farce to follow or give a shit about. So, what are we left with? A scene stealing performance by Charlize Theron who’s utterly wasted and a cast of characters with no personality. Oh, don’t forget about “Princess Constipated.” Seriously, just go and spend 2 hours doing almost anything else.

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4 responses to “Brian’s Review – Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)

  1. I have been told to watch this, yet at the same time I have been avoiding it because I was sure that it would equate to what you just described!

  2. i wanted more out of this fairytale, too and stewart didn’t cut it for me either. i wanted the kind of fractured fairytale of the toby maquire genre, completely retold, like the leaping frog type.

  3. so no dwarfs? 🙂 Sounds like I’m not missing anything but I still want to check it out someday

  4. You got this spot on – casting Stewart was a bad mistake for making this film as something which will stand the test of time.

    I was left disappointed. Which wasn’t entirely unexpected, I guess.

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