Tag Archives: Catwoman

Brian’s Review – “The Dark Knight Rises” (2012)

Eight years on, a new terrorist leader, Bane, overwhelms Gotham’s finest, and the Dark Knight resurfaces to protect a city that has branded him an enemy.

 
“The Dark Knight Rises”

9 out of 10

Warning: I apologize if some of my review sounds a little vague but my aim is to keep it spoiler free.

I really had my doubts about 45 minutes into this one that it was going to be anywhere as good as the previous two in the Christopher Nolan Batman Trilogy. It opens with a spectacular introduction to Bane’s character and then meanders and lulls for almost an hour before it picks up again. To the film’s credit, all of that exposition explains what has happened to Bruce Wayne since the events of the Dark Knight and sets up the ending, which I wouldn’t dare give away here. But, there’s almost zero action whatsoever and the plot isn’t really progressed as it is updated. However, once you see Batman show up, the film absolutely soars and at the end of the day comes out as the second strongest in the recent Batman series  (Dark Knight is in a word…perfect). The performances are all spot on. Christian Bale is still the best Batman ever and has a lot more dramatic weight to his character this time around. Michael Cane is still the perfect Alfred, Anne Hathaway shines as Catwoman, and Tom Hardy’s Bane is far more interesting than the comic book version of the character ever was.

As great as the performances are, it’s still the writing and directing of Christopher Nolan that has elevated this trilogy to more than summer blockbuster fare. There’s a brain behind all of the gadgets and comic book bravado. One of the key choices that Nolan made in the writing process is to have the motivations of the villains not be to destroy Gotham City but to have Gotham City’s own citizens destroy themselves. In all 3 films, those opposing Batman were anarchists that wanted to put the guns in the hands of the people and then watch them shoot each other.

I’d hate to give away more and ruin the plethora of surprises that await you at end to this groundbreaking comic book trilogy. I’ll just say this is by far the “biggest” film of them all. Gotham has never taken a pounding like it does in this film and Bane truly turns Batman into an underdog. And the ending is the perfect cap to those who have patiently awaited the final installment. It’s great to wait several years for a film and NOT be disappointed.

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“Mac and Me” – A Manifesto

Hi all you readers in the interwebs, I’m Kristen, founder of the Journeys in Classic Film blog and I’m hear to discuss a film that holds a place in my heart, whether I like it or not.

I was honored and humbled when I was contacted by the eponymous The Movie Brothers to break down my hatred of the film Mac and Me, a movie they deemed “worthy” of being one of the ten worst movies they’ve ever seen.  I seconded that notion heartily as I, too, have seen the utter shit that is Mac and Me.  I originally saw this 1988 E.T. rip-off when doing a commentary track for my now defunct film podcast.  A listener had said there was no movie worth discussing more than this film.  I’ve seen bad movies before but I had never seen anything as bad as this film.  Mac and Me will make you question life, love, Hollywood, and your very sanity.  The story of a small boy and the bug-eyed dumpster baby (or alien as the box claims) that hang out together is an abomination to film and all that it stands for!

The movie tells the story of Eric (Jade Calegory), a young boy in a wheelchair who recently moves to a new house.  Once there he meets an alien running away from NASA and separated from his parents.  As Eric and the alien try to find the missing alien parents and escape NASA the audience questions: “Why is McDonalds so prevalent,” “Why does this kid never see the alien standing right in front of him…is he blind, too?”  And the biggest query of them all: “Who the bloody hell is Mac?”

Director, screenwriter, best boy; no one can answer the immortal question: Who or what is Mac?  IMDb tries to answer the question with the name “Mysterious Alien Creature,” but you can tell whoever’s writing the synopsis isn’t sure because they add (Mac?) into the very synopsis!  Yes, the IMDb plotline to this movie has more guesses than a Wikipedia page.  The movie was a blatant attempt to rip-off E.T. and is filled to the gills with product placement, predominately for McDonalds.  Don’t believe me?  Check out the break dancing scene at a McDonalds.  I’ve been to many a McDonalds and have never seen anyone break-dance, nor have been inclined to break-dance.  Personally, who the hell eats in a McDonald’s anymore?  I know, I know, this is 1988 but they still had drive-thrus!  It’s not like McDonalds is the go-to place to have a step up dance party…everyone knows you do that at IHOP!

There’s a LOT I could complain about in regards to this film but I doubt my kind editors on this site want me to fill up a book.  There’s the whole plotline about the aliens wandering for forty years in the desert (oh they aren’t…they’re just stupid) or the fact that Mac looks like a weird mutant baby out of the Hills Have Eyes, nope my problem is in the main character of little Eric.  I do applaud the movie – yes I just said applaud, stop laughing – for hiring a genuinely disabled actor for this film.  So many movies put Tom Cruise in a wheelchair and expect you to believe him so it’s refreshing to see a person in a wheelchair truly be in a wheelchair…..but what they do to this poor boy is disgusting.

First of all, I myself am in a wheelchair so I consider myself an “expert” on how to treat a disabled person.  I don’t think throwing a kid in a wheelchair off a MOTHER****ING cliff is the way to sell your movie to kids!  Seriously, there’s a scene where the kid goes rolling down the world’s biggest hill, off a cliff into a body of water.  Let’s break this down.  He’s rolling down the smoothest grassy hill in the world.  I’ve rolled down many a hill, and there’s always twigs, grass, or you know, a fricking rock to at least slow you down or tip the chair over.  Nope, this kid’s going down Lombard Street apparently because it’s a smoothest descent.  Next the kid tries to put on his brakes and they snap off like a toothpick.  Wheelchairs have metal breaks so if these are snapping off I’d be suing the manufacturer of this chair right off the bat for shoddy merchandise.  Then, he falls off a cliff that’s easily a 50 foot drop.  Don’t ask how a residential area has a grassy hill that leads to barren, jagged quarry, but hey, must have had good rental rates.  The kid falls into a body of water and should be dead.  Not sputtering water, not flailing for help. Dead.  Joining the choir invisible dead, pushing up the daises dead!  He should be an EX-PERSON!  But no, Mac saves Eric.  Mac sees Eric going down the hill and instead of trying to make any attempt to save him mid-push he waits to save him after Eric has been thrown from his wheelchair to his death.

Okay so we have that fun ride what about the end?  Well there’s a big to-doinvolving guns and a convenience store, but it all culminates with Eric wheeling to save Mac and the building blows up!  Did this movie just blow up a handicapped child?!  Yes, they did.  But no, he’s not charred to a crisp, skin flaking off him like ashes.  He’s not even bleeding.  He’s just limp.  So what does Mac do….he wakes him up.  Apparently, Mac has the ability to heal people (you know, like E.T.!) and saves Eric.  Here’s my problem….Mac has the ability to resurrect the dead, therefore he should be able to fix any damaged cells that person has, including the damaged cells responsible for Eric’s disability!  So either Mac either possess crappy alien powers, or he’s just a total dick.  If I woke up after being brought back from the dead and was still in a wheelchair I’d be stabbing that bastard alien and asking why he didn’t just let me die!  God or whoever wouldn’t have stuck me in this chair for eternity — isn’t that what they say!  No, some douchey alien has to bring the poor kid back and say “Sorry, my power only works at 80%…but hey welcome back to Earth!”  Mac is a tool and if Eric were smart he’d give the alien to NASA with his well wishes “feel free to torture him till his bug eyes pop out.”

I’ve only touched the surface of why Mac and Me is so heinous!  I didn’t even discuss the pro-immigration stance the movie takes at the very end with the naturalization of Mac and his parents.  Yes the term “illegal alien” is taken literally.  Mac and Me is crap on another level.  I love a lot of bad movies but after watching this I wanted to take a shower and sell my soul to the Devil to remove the knowledge of this film from my brain.  If you watch it, I urge you to draw up a will, it would honestly not surprise me to hear that this movie kills people like cigarettes.  Mac and Me is making Battleship look like Citizen Kane.  Thanks again Movie Brothers to letting me unburden myself!

Dark Knight Trailer #3 Released

Matt

The Dark Knight Rises, coming July 20, is the final and much anticipated conclusion to Christopher Nolan’s brilliant vision of Batman. The latest trailer looks very promising, leaving much to be the imagination while whetting our appetites for what promises to be an incredible closing chapter in the Nolan series. Enjoy.

 

The Ten Worst Movies We’ve Ever Seen

Our two-year anniversary has passed. It’s hard to believe it’s gone by so quickly, and it’s even harder to fathom how quickly our site has grown. We never thought when we started that we’d be getting thousands upon thousands of readers and listeners. We humbly thank you all for reading.

And with that said, here’s the crappiest list of movies we could conjure! We’ve been cutting movies from our original list of 45 of the Worst Movies Ever Made until we came down to to these ten prize-winning pigs. Here are the movies that didn’t make the grade… or did? We’re not sure. They all suck so much that we’re not even ranking them. Instead, we’re simply naming these The Ten Worst Movies Ever Made:

Troll 2: There’s a great documentary based on this film called “Best Worst Movie.” This is a cult favorite, because it’s so horrendously bad, but I don’t see the appeal movies of similar ilk, like “Rocky Horror Picture Show.” This is pure crap, with no redeeming qualities in a movie packed with… nothing?

Pearl Harbor: In this reviewer’s humble opinion, the worst film ever made. It takes every possible misstep that a bad movie could possibly make. A stupid and pointless story? Yup! A boring and incomprehensible love triangle? You bet! A huge budget wasted by rudderless direction and bad acting? Of course! If there is one movie I wish I could bleach from my brain so that I couldn’t remember the horrible experience, this would be it!
Jaws: The Revenge: I can’t think of a series that nose dived more sequel to sequel than the Jaws series. The original Jaws is in our top 10 films of all time and its last sequel is in our top 10 worst. This film should never have been made. I can’t even imagine what morons were at the original pitch meeting that green lit this fucking mess. “Ok, we’re going to have a killer shark that is pissed at the Brody family and wants revenge.” What?!?! A vengeful shark that targets a specific family?!?! What were they thinking????

Batman & Robin
Only a film this horrible could have shut down what was, up until then, one of the biggest and profitable franchises in film history. Its visual look could be described as Gotham City if the entire area was one big gay nightclub. It contains the worst dialogue in film history, the worst acting in a comic book film ever, and the dumbest script ever! I would have said this was the worst film I’ve ever seen except that Pearl Harbor tries to recreate a pivotal point in history. This hunk of crap is at least an isolated work of fiction.
 
The Garbage Pail Kids MovieOffensive in every meaning of the word. It’s disgusting, full of awful acting, voiceover work, special effects, terrible, horrible awful writing that makes you angry when you watch it. Some bad movies are laughable, but this is just in bad taste. I know, it’s a movie about Garbage Pail Kids. What would you expect? Well, maybe something resembling a movie. 

Battlefield Earth: If this is where becoming a scientologist leads you, give back the $240 initiation fee that their church charges to join (if you don’t believe me, click here). John Travolta’s dedication to one of L.Ron Hubbard’s stupid and shitty novels led him to make this horrendous piece of crap. It’s one of those movies that is so horrible that you actually feel nauseous while you’re watching it even when nothing gross is on screen. 

RampageAn embarrassment to human decency. If you’re going to make a film about a psycho who goes on a bombastic murder spree gunning down innocents, shouldn’t the characters’ motivations and psychological well being be the centerpieces of the film? Well, according to schlock director Uwe Boll, no! His idea is to have the violence be the center. Why? Cause it’s just so bad ass to see a guy in full body armor walk into public places and murder innocent civilians. What a disgustingly stupid waste of time. 

Mannequin 2: On The Move: I have no idea what they were thinking when they wrote this movie. The first one had some campy charm, but this lacks all soul, brevity and whit the first one had. There’s some story about a wizard and a princess frozen in time… blah blah. It’s just a movie that falls flat on it’s face. Wooden in more ways than one.
 
Show GirlsThis movie almost made us hate boobs… Almost. There are so many horrible moments, but I think the worst is the fish flopping sex scene. It’s just mind-boggling how someone could put this to celluloid and think it was good. This movie takes itself seriously. It thinks it’s a real movie, which is what makes it bad. If it was just a campy booby movie, it wouldn’t be on the list. But they actually thought they were making a real movie.
 

Mac and Me: As film critic Chris Hicks of The Desert News said: “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a movie that is as crass a 90-minute commercial as Mac and Me.” This is a movie that rips off E.T., with a homesick alien and a boy trying to get him home, but with more product placements than you can shake a stick at. The alien needs Coca-Cola to stay alive, and Ronald McDonald is a supporting cast member. Horrendously unoriginal and lacks any artistic integrity.

The Ten Worst Movies We’ve Ever Seen Part 4

Every day we’re cutting ten movies from our original list of 45 of the Worst Movies Ever Made until we’re down to ten. Brian and Matt will each chop five from the list.

Here are the movies that didn’t make the grade… or did? We’re not sure. They all suck, but they’re not going to make it to the ten worst ever.

Brian’s Vetoes

Transformers: Revenge of the FallenThis movie blows, plain and simple.  But, it mainly blows because of Michael Bay’s mechanical and emotionless direction.  The technical elements are quite good and the sound engineers were terrfic.  I know these are lame reasons but have you seen the other films left on the list?

DreamcatcherOne of the worst Stephen King adaptations ever but not the absolute worst.  That prestigious dishonor goes to Maximum Overdrive.  So, since that movie isn’t here, I’m removing Dreamcatcher.

The A-Team: This movie is god damn stupid.  It reminded me of those horrible Charlie’s Angels movies.  This was a simple process of elimination vote but I’m thrilled it made it this far.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II:The Secret of the Ooze: I almost eliminated this last round except I remembered that ninja rap song that Vanilla Ice performed near the end.  That was, in my opinion, the worst movie musical moment that has ever been printed to filom and that includes From justin to Kelly.  However, the movie is fairly faithful to its source material.

Leprechaun 4: In Space: It’s so stupid that it’s actually semi-amusing.  They didn’t take the material seriously and they got a shitty movie out of it.  The rest of flicks are worse.

Matt’s Vetoes

Leonard Part 6: Mind-numbingly bad. Bill Cosby is a talent, but he never made a good movie, and this is an example why. A futuristic time cop called from retirement? Ugh… terrible production. In TV land, he’s amazing and among the best, but here in Movie World, he’s the pits. Pudding pop, anyone?

Catwoman: There have been some bad comic book movies I think are worse, like “The Punisher” with Dolf Lundgren or “Daredevil” with Ben Affleck. This one is bad, but it slips by.

Cool As Ice: This movie was an insult to “Rebel Without a Cause.” I mean, a hip-hop version of the classic movie starring Vanilla Ice? I couldn’t have come up with that if I tried. But alas, there are worse movies on the list.

Weekend at Bernie’s II: The original was actually kind of funny, if you could separate yourself from the idea that two bumbling guys need to pretend their evil boss isn’t dead and use him in all kinds of goofy ways so they don’t get blamed for his death. But by the sequel, after the body has been through the ocean, dropped and stuffed in luggage, wouldn’t the corpse start to smell? Plus, the story just sucked this time around.

The Day After Tomorrow: Ugh, what a turd. But there are other epic disaster movies that are worse, including one left on this list.

MOVIES REMAINING ON OUR LIST:

Rampage
Mannequin 2: On The Move
Munchies
 Pearl Harbor
Jaws: The Revenge
Battlefield Earth
Batman & Robin
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
Super Mario Bros.
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Caddy Shack 2
Troll 2
Mac and Me
Show Girls

The Ten Worst Movies We’ve Ever Seen Part 3

Every day we’re cutting ten movies from our original list of 45 of the Worst Movies Ever Made until we’re down to ten. Brian and Matt will each chop five from the list.

Here are the movies that didn’t make the grade… or did? We’re not sure. They all suck, but they’re not going to make it to the ten worst ever.

Matt’s Vetoes 

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians: Thanks to the Comedy Central cult-classic TV show Mystery Science Theater 3,000, “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” has found a place of redemption in my world. It’s God awful, but not offensively so. It’s just too silly.

White Chicks: There are worse blacksplotation films than “White Chicks.” The make-up was laughable… but not in a funny, ha-ha kind of way. It looked robotic and so fake. The concept is OK, but this just fell on its face.

Vulgar: 
I admit this movie is not good, and it is pretty offensive. The concept, for those not familiar, is a clown shows up for a gig, gets raped by a bunch of weirdos, and then goes on to be a famous TV clown who then gets bribed by the family, yes family, who raped him. It took itself very seriously, too. What a turd. But there are worse on the list.

Zak and Miri Make a Porno:
I’m cutting two Kevin Smith-related projects here, but Zak and Miri at least had lots of boobs. I rest my case.

Independence Day: 
It saddens me to cut a Will Smith movie, because he really does suck. If Brian had chosen “Wild Wild West” instead of this, I wouldn’t have chopped it. Alas, “Independence Day” gets the axe.

Brian’s Vetoes

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace This movie is nowhere near as bad as geeky fanboys would have you believe. Is Jar-Jar annoying? Yes. Can Jake Lloyd act? Certainly not. However, the light saber battle is spectacular and the pod race is still fun to watch.

Any “Scary Movie” film: All of these movies suck ass. In fact, the scene where a dick comes out of a bathroom hole to tickle one of the random Wayans guys in the ear is so incredibly stupid that I’m tempted to leave it on the list. However, I also know they meant for these to be dumb so I’m vetoing it.

Superman IV: The Quest for Peace: I am embarrassed for Christopher Reeve when I watch this. His performance is so earnest and consistent through all four films and yet the producers didn’t give him a budget and script to match his dedication. Such a shame but because of Reeve, this goes off.

Piranha 3-D: I really hated this fucking movie. It contains horrible special effects and NO STORY WHATSOEVER!! But, it knows what it is and doesn’t pretend to be good.

Hobo With a Shotgun: I reviewed this and gave it a 5. It was dissapointing but nowhere in the conversation of the worst films of all time.

MOVIES REMAINING ON OUR LIST:

The Day After Tomorrow
Rampage
Mannequin 2: On The Move
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Munchies
Leonard Part 6
Pearl Harbor
Jaws: The Revenge
Catwoman
Battlefield Earth
Batman & Robin
Weekend at Bernie’s 2
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
Super Mario Bros.
Dreamcatcher
The A-Team
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Caddy Shack 2
Cool As Ice
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
Troll 2
Mac and Me
Show Girls
Leprechaun 4: In Space
Hard to believe, but Superman IV could have been worse

The Ten Worst Movies We’ve Ever Seen Part 2

Every day we’re cutting ten movies from our original list of 45 of the Worst Movies Ever Made until we’re down to ten. Brian and Matt will each chop five from the list.

Here are the movies that didn’t make the grade… or did? We’re not sure. They all suck, but they’re not going to make it to the ten worst ever.

Brian’s Vetoes

The Devil’s Rejects:  I’m not sure if Rob Zombie spit at my brother in a bar but he really hates this film and I don’t get it. It’s one of my favorite films in the horror genre and should never have been on this list.

Last House on the Left:  I absolutely hate the way Wes Craven portrayed the goofy cops in this film but it has some genuinely frightening and disturbing moments.

Real Steel: Sly Stalone’s “Over the Top” with Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots. Embarrassingly dumb but not in the conversation of worst ever.

Teen Wolf:  This movie completely sucks and deserves to be on this list. However, I’m willing to concede it’s a product of 1980’s teen culture and for that I’m letting it off the hook.

Nowhere to Run: Dumb with a capital D! But, couldn’t you use that to describe every single Van Damme film?

Matt Vetoes

Moulin Rouge: Goofy as hell? Yes. But not worst ever. I mean, it won an Oscar for best picture and launched the career of Ewan McGregor.

Beloved: I think Brian was just blinded by his hatred of Oprah when he put this one on the list. Is it good? God no. This is an average flick that could have gone straight to basic cable.

Big Daddy: Yes, Adam Sandler has made some dog shit movies, and this is certainly one of them. To me, offensive movies like “Last House on the Left,” with its constant use of uneccessary and graphic rape scenes or horrible acting and attrocious violence in “The Devil’s Rejects” make those far worse. Bad, but not worst ever.

Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Prices: Poorly made documentary that stirred up a ton of press and got way more distribution and viewing than it deserved. Definitely in the conversation for worst documentaries, and worthy of this list, but not the top ten. P.S. I hate Wal-Mart.

Leprechaun in the Hood: A bong-smoking gangsta leprechaun? Now we’ve seen everything.  One of the Leprechaun movies had to go from the list. Leprechaun in Space just seems worse… though not by much.

MOVIES REMAINING ON OUR LIST:

The Day After Tomorrow
Independence Day
Rampage
Vulgar
Mannequin 2: On The Move
Zak and Miri Make a Porno
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Munchies
Howard The Duck
Leonard Part 6
Any “Scary Movie” film
Pearl Harbor
White Chicks
Jaws: The Revenge
Catwoman
Battlefield Earth
Batman & Robin
Weekend at Bernie’s 2
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
Super Mario Bros.
Superman IV
Hobo With a Shotgun
Dreamcatcher
The A-Team
Piranha 3-D
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Caddy Shack 2
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Cool As Ice
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
Troll 2
Mac and Me
Show Girls
Leprechaun 4: In Space

The Ten Worst Movies We’ve Ever Seen Part 1

In honor of our two-year anniversary, The Movie Brothers, Brian and Matt, are giving you the Ten Worst Movies We’ve Ever Seen. On our one-year anniversary, we started the Ten Greatest Films Ever.

Brian and Matt picked this list of 45 films we wanted to consider for the ten worst. Each day until our anniversary, we will remove ten films from the list and explanation why. The Movie Brothers will each pick five films to cut from the list each day until we are down to ten.  It’s important we state these are the worst films we’ve ever seen verse worst films ever. For example, we’ve never seen the films “Justin to Kelly” or “Glitter,” but we’ve heard they suck and assume that’s true. However, they can’t be on our list because we’ve never actually watched them. Here goes:

Moulin Rouge
The Day After Tomorrow
Independence Day
Rampage
Vulgar
Mannequin 2: On The Move
Zak and Miri Make a Porno
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Nowhere To Run
Munchies
Howard The Duck
Leonard Part 6
Any “Scary Movie” film
Beloved
Pearl Harbor
Teen Wolf
White Chicks
Big Daddy
Jaws: The Revenge
Catwoman
Battlefield Earth
Batman & Robin
Weekend at Bernie’s 2
Real Steel
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
Super Mario Bros.
Superman IV
Last House on the Left
The Devil’s Rejects
Hobo With a Shotgun
Leprechaun in the Hood
Dreamcatcher
The A-Team
Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Prices
Piranha 3-D
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Caddy Shack 2
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Cool As Ice
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
Troll 2
Mac and Me
Show Girls
Leprechaun 4: In Space

Here’s Top 50 worst from  IMDB.com

The Dark Knight Rises Trailer Released

Matt

The promise of “The Dark Knight Rises” is unlimited. I felt like that before “The Dark Knight,” which is hands down one of the best comic book films ever made.

I had concerns about the number of characters and villains in “The Dark Knight.” There was Two Face and Joker, and it’s difficult to pull off two villains in the same film because they can often not be developed into anything more than a cookie cutter bad guy. But that was not the case, at all. Christopher Nolan understands storytelling and has handled the Batman franchise with great care and respect for his audience.

I have no qualms saying that “The Dark Knight Rises” will be just as good as its prequels. The Bane charater, played by Tom Hardy, looks nothing short of menacing and terrible. The above photo is enough to give you the creeps. We also get a small glimpse of Catwoman, thought it’s hard to see much. Even though this trailer is a mere wetting of our appetites, “The Dark Knight Rises” already looks amazing. It’s going to be a long year of waiting.

Thanks for our sister blog TV-Tastic for the trailer!

Top 5 Worst Comic Book Movies

There are a ton of bad comic book movies. In fact, the ratio of bad far outweighs the good. Victor and Matt compare their choices for worst of the worst.

Victor

5. Superman 3: Poor Supes. This series of films was always thought to be the equivalent of a very cute baby that turned into a butt ugly adult. Chris Reeve and the iconic man of steel deserved much better. Richard (post “Oh shit I just caught on fire from freebasing cocaine!”) Pryor? Really? Why not Cheech and Chong? Or Abbott and Costello meet Superman? After the wretched slapstick opening when Clark is involved in “pie in the face” antics you just knew you were in for a crapbag of a sequel. Annette O’Toole was pretty hot, though, but the corny video game attack on Superman really made me cringe.

4. Superman 4: The Quest for Peace:
Gee, Superman 3 kinda sucked so let’s get it right this time…but Nooooo. When I saw that this movie was to be produced by those hairy hacks Golan/Globus of infamous Cannon films fame I wanted to yank my eyelids off. What the hell happened to this once great franchise? Did Warner Brothers just run out of money and hand over the reins to a bunch of pimply high school foreign exchange students? Why was Margot Kidder completely bombed through this film while looking like she fell asleep under a hot lamp? What’s with that “Quest for Peace” title? Is this about King Arthur and the knights of the round table? Let’s not mention the bad hairdo on Reeve and the very bad effect shots that were used over and over again like some a Japanese monster movie. Reeve did not deserve to end it this way. Oh and I just wanted to kick that Jon Cryer’s ass everytime he was onscreen.

3: Catwoman: Huh? Where the hell did Michelle Pfeiffer go? I thought she was Catwoman? I’m confused and scared because I saw Sharon Stone playing opposite what’s-her-name who is not Michelle Pfeiffer. The scene where she orders milk at the Nightclub…UGH. What is one most likely to find in a dirty box of kitty litter? A DVD copy of Catwoman.

2. The Punisher (1989): When you can’t even put Frank Castle AKA “The Punisher” in the right Punisher costume then your production is going into the proverbial comic book movie crapper. I couldn’t even understand Lundgren when he spoke much less believe he had the mental capacity to exact revenge on the people who killed his family. Sorry Dolph, I know that was harsh. Sorry.

1. Batman and Robin:
Now come on…how could this film NOT make the number one spot? The cancer that was Joel Schumacher continues to spread in the this Batman outing when we were introduced to homo-erotic statues inundating Gotham’s cityscape, shots of bat nipples and asses and every frame and shot being lit by neon. Joel keeps the crazy train rolling with this way, way over the top Dayglo Sissyfest. A nail in the coffin that was the Batman franchise. The lame Mr Freeze one-liner puns like “Ice to freeze you” are an insult to true Batman fans. The action pieces were like watching really bad off – Broadway shows about disco dancing. Are those ice skates in your bat boots??? Clooney was just dull and his annoying head wobbling make him look like he needed a heroin fix. I would have rather seen Adam West come back to do a film. Well, maybe not.

——————————————————————————————————————

Matt

5. Supergirl: Even Helen Slater’s hotness can’t save this film. While her long, golden locks and tight, complimenting Supergirl costume are titillating, the plot is horrible. She comes to Earth to save her home city on Krypton (which was blown up a long time ago, by the way) and dukes it out with a witch. Couldn’t we come up with a better enemy than a witch? Also, how did they convince Sir Peter O’Toole and Faye Dunaway to make this? The producers should have been given an Academy Award for that alone.

4. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The most unfortunate part of this film is that it was the swan song of the Oscar-winning great Shawn Connery. The brilliant career of Connery was punctuated by a film where Captain Nemo is Middle Eastern, complete with turban and pointed shoes. They really should have thrown in a flying carpet for good measure, but instead he had a submarine the size of Manhattan and he was a sword swinging ninja. Alan Moore is a brilliant comic book writer, but this movie was a piece of garbage. And why would Tom Sawyer be a sharp shooting cowboy-type? It makes no sense.

3. Judge Dredd: Sylvester Stalone stars in this futuristic film about a future where police are the judge, jury and executioner. Stop. You had me at Sylvester Stalone – the man who has to remake movies that were a success thirty years ago. The movie looks ridiculous with the silly outfits and bad acting and dialogue.

2. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace: This movie was a waste because it brought back the complete original cast of the first film, which was a triumph for comic book lovers. The dialogue in this film is so horrible, not even an Oscar-winner like Gene Hackman can rescue it. In fact, Gene Hackman had to do the voiceover for Nuclear Man, played by Mark Pillow (who never acted again) because his delivery was so bad. The dialogue killed this film even more than its plot, and Nuclear Man’s Lee Press-Nails didn’t help, either. What’s even harder to fathom, is that this could have been worse. Here are deleted scenes of the original Nuclear Man:

1. Batman and Robin: Iceman asks the question: “What killed the dinosaurs?” His answer: “The ICE AGE!” I ask the question, what killed Batman? The answer: Joel Schumacher.

This movie steps over the boundary of camp and well into the land of crap. Tim Burton’s memorable Batman from 1989 was campy but good. Lines from the Joker, like, “Where does he get those wonderful toys” stay with you, but at the same time are funny and fun.

This Batman, which includes Batgirl and Poison Ivy, wreaks of bad writing and gratuitous Batman butt shots. Schumacher has since publicly apologized for the film. The movie’s dialogue made me wriggle in my seat with discomfort. They couldn’t have crammed in any more ice puns if they tried. (see video below). Thank God for Chritopher Nolan.