Brian’s Review – Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)

In a twist to the fairy tale, the Huntsman ordered to take Snow White into the woods to be killed winds up becoming her protector and mentor in a quest to vanquish the Evil Queen.

2 out of 10

This is a God awful boring and joyless experience of a film. I could accept how dark it is if it were a crime thriller or some form of horror movie where hope has little meaning. But, for a film about Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, you expect it to have some fantasy or wonder in the experience. It isn’t helped by the fact that the producers decided to cast the worst actress of her generation in Kristen Stewart. She is so painfully untalented and brings absolutely NOTHING to any character she plays. And, she can’t emote! I mean, that’s the entire fucking job! Emoting feelings from the script to be an ambassador of the story!

She has one acting face and exists somewhere between looking perpetually high on weed and in mid bowel movement. The worst part is that she’s playing Snow White. She’s supposed to be the most beautiful woman in the land (Stewart sure isn’t) and her mere gaze draws people in and makes them happy. Are they kidding with putting her in that kind of role? For instance, the woodsman played by Chris Hemsworth (Thor and Star Trek) is all out for himself and could care less what happens to Snow White. A few scenes later, he’s diving into action and putting his life on the line for hers. Why??? They have almost no dialogue to back up that kind of loyalty. So, is he smitten with her? And if so, why? At this point, I was too bored to care. There aren’t any interesting characters in this farce to follow or give a shit about. So, what are we left with? A scene stealing performance by Charlize Theron who’s utterly wasted and a cast of characters with no personality. Oh, don’t forget about “Princess Constipated.” Seriously, just go and spend 2 hours doing almost anything else.

 

 

Brian’s Review – “Prometheus” (2012)

When scientific explorers unearth an artifact that points to the origins of humankind, they’re pulled into the unexpected adventure of a lifetime. But if they falter, the very future of their species is at stake.

“Prometheus”

Rating: 7 out of 10

This is another film that falls into the “questions are better than the answers” variety. The setup is terrific. A group of scientists, after a a 2 year hyper sleep, awaken to a world that they were drawn to because of ancient cave paintings that specifically detailed a solar system that they had no way of seeing or documenting. Once there, they realize that they have not only found a new world but alien life as well. It then asks several terrific questions: How did the early humans know they were there? Is this the world where humans were created? If we were not created by God, who did the work? Once we finally meet alien life, what will they have to say?

If all you had read was the questions that the movie posed, you would bet that this was going to be a very special film but it isn’t. It’s a hackneyed script that sets up for an amazing climax that simply doesn’t deliver. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t an interesting ride. Ridley Scott’s world is densely populated with terrific eye candy. The art direction, set pieces, and special effects are first rate. The performances are average except for Michael Fassbender who once again elevates the material by delivering an artificial life form that truly feels artificial.

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I would hate to give away any spoilers because there’s so much interest in this film but plausibility comes into questions several times. I won’t point out specifics but let’s just say that quite a few story decisions were highly erratic and questionable, even for a science fiction film. Characters make decisions that go against their previous behaviors, the world seems to behave in a way that contradicts scientific principles, and the ending goes against the continuity it is trying to match up with the original Alien film. That said, it is never boring and for fans of highly visual science fiction movies, it’s a treat. I just wish that the screenwriters had better answers for their own questions…

Aeon Flux

Aiming to hasten an uprising, the leader of an underground rebellion (Frances McDormand) dispatches acrobatic assassin Aeon Flux (Charlize Theron) to eliminate the government’s top leader in this futuristic thriller based on the popular animated MTV show. It’s the 25th century, and a rampaging virus has forced the remnants of humanity into seclusion. But political conflict swirls within, and the climate is ripe for revolution.

Brian
Rating: 1 out of 10

“Aeon Flux” is a disaster on every conceivable level.  Bad acting?  Check.  Horrible and confusing story? Check.  Wasting the talents of two Academy Award winning actresses?  Check.  Action sequences with no dramatic punch?  Check.

I tried to think of one redeeming quality about this movie that could prevent it from being a 1 out of 10, and the fact that Charlize Theron is drop dead gorgeous isn’t enough.  How the hell can you be given this kind of budget and this much talent and waste it this horribly? The director, Karyn Kuasama who helmed the director’s seat for “Girlfight” and “Jennifer’s Body,” has shown she has glimpses of an eye for a story. None of that is on display here.  Avoid at all costs!!

The Road

A father (Viggo Mortensen) and his son (Kodi Smit-McPhee) walk alone through a post-apocalyptic America. It is cold enough to crack stones, and, when the snow falls it is gray. The sky is dark, the trees are dead, as are all animals and bugs. Few humans exist, and many have turned to cannibalism. Their destination is the Florida coast, although they don’t know what, if anything, awaits them there. They have nothing, just a pistol to defend themselves against the lawless cannibalistic bands that stalk the road, the clothes they are wearing, a rusting shopping cart of scavenged food, and each other. Directed by John Hillcoat (The Proposition) and based on the novel “The Road” by Cormac McCarthy.  

Matt
Rating: 7 out of 10

People are way off when think this movie is another excuse to make a dark film.

In the bleakest and most broad moments — a post-apocalyptic America where people are turning to cannibalism and animals and plants are all dead and few survive — this film captures a most intimate relationship between a father and son. We learn a little about their background with flashbacks where the mother, played nicely by Charlize Theron, gives us clues about what happened to this family.

But we’re never given the cause of the end of civilization — a preachy sermon about global warming or nuclear war. We’re never even given the names of the characters. Any other characters are small, with the exception of an excellent cameo by Robert Duvall as a wandering blind man. Instead, the story and camera focus on a father and son in their most desperate moments and are given very dark sequences. The father keeps a pistol with two bullets, one for each of them. And father shows son how to put the gun in his mouth and how to pull the trigger when the time comes. They stumble across humanity at its lowest, people eating other people, kidnapping and rape.

But in the darkest moments, humanity lives on. We see it in the boy, who represents purity, love and compassion. While the setting is dark, this movie brings us a story of love.