Tag Archives: Mojo Nixon

Super Mario Bros.

Brooklyn plumbers Mario (Bob Hoskins) and Luigi (John Leguizamo) are about to be shut down by a shady construction company, and when the firm’s henchmen see that Luigi has fallen for a young student named Daisy (Samantha Mathis), they kidnap her — and take her to another dimension. Vowing to track her down, the boys soon find themselves trapped in a bizarre parallel world ruled by a dinosaur-like despot named King Koopa (Dennis Hopper).

Rating: 4 out of 10

There are some truly, horrifyingly terrible moments in this movie that make my skin feel like it’s tightening slowly over my skeletal system. On the other hand, there were some truly funny scenes, and scenes so bad they were laughably enjoyable.

There’s a difference between a movie that is just pure crap, like “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie,” and one that is hilarious, like “The Room.” “Super Mario Bros.,” which boasts a shockingly talented cast for a children’s movie of this low caliber, is somewhere in between the laughably-bad scale.

This film has none of the charm of the famous Nintendo title. Yoshi, a green little smiling dinosaur in the game, looks like a mini T-Rex. And it’s pretty violent for a kid’s flick. Yoshi gets stabbed in the neck, a lady get electrocuted, and people are getting warped by all kinds of weaponry.

There’s a plot in there somewhere about a our world and a parallel universe where it developed from lizards instead of apes, and the Mario Bros. get sucked into it by a magic vortex, meet the evil King Koopa who wants to merge the worlds and turn all the humans back into apes. There’s also some king who was morphed into a fungus that helps the brothers along the way. All in all, this is a wretched turd.