“Mac and Me” – A Manifesto

Hi all you readers in the interwebs, I’m Kristen, founder of the Journeys in Classic Film blog and I’m hear to discuss a film that holds a place in my heart, whether I like it or not.

I was honored and humbled when I was contacted by the eponymous The Movie Brothers to break down my hatred of the film Mac and Me, a movie they deemed “worthy” of being one of the ten worst movies they’ve ever seen.  I seconded that notion heartily as I, too, have seen the utter shit that is Mac and Me.  I originally saw this 1988 E.T. rip-off when doing a commentary track for my now defunct film podcast.  A listener had said there was no movie worth discussing more than this film.  I’ve seen bad movies before but I had never seen anything as bad as this film.  Mac and Me will make you question life, love, Hollywood, and your very sanity.  The story of a small boy and the bug-eyed dumpster baby (or alien as the box claims) that hang out together is an abomination to film and all that it stands for!

The movie tells the story of Eric (Jade Calegory), a young boy in a wheelchair who recently moves to a new house.  Once there he meets an alien running away from NASA and separated from his parents.  As Eric and the alien try to find the missing alien parents and escape NASA the audience questions: “Why is McDonalds so prevalent,” “Why does this kid never see the alien standing right in front of him…is he blind, too?”  And the biggest query of them all: “Who the bloody hell is Mac?”

Director, screenwriter, best boy; no one can answer the immortal question: Who or what is Mac?  IMDb tries to answer the question with the name “Mysterious Alien Creature,” but you can tell whoever’s writing the synopsis isn’t sure because they add (Mac?) into the very synopsis!  Yes, the IMDb plotline to this movie has more guesses than a Wikipedia page.  The movie was a blatant attempt to rip-off E.T. and is filled to the gills with product placement, predominately for McDonalds.  Don’t believe me?  Check out the break dancing scene at a McDonalds.  I’ve been to many a McDonalds and have never seen anyone break-dance, nor have been inclined to break-dance.  Personally, who the hell eats in a McDonald’s anymore?  I know, I know, this is 1988 but they still had drive-thrus!  It’s not like McDonalds is the go-to place to have a step up dance party…everyone knows you do that at IHOP!

There’s a LOT I could complain about in regards to this film but I doubt my kind editors on this site want me to fill up a book.  There’s the whole plotline about the aliens wandering for forty years in the desert (oh they aren’t…they’re just stupid) or the fact that Mac looks like a weird mutant baby out of the Hills Have Eyes, nope my problem is in the main character of little Eric.  I do applaud the movie – yes I just said applaud, stop laughing – for hiring a genuinely disabled actor for this film.  So many movies put Tom Cruise in a wheelchair and expect you to believe him so it’s refreshing to see a person in a wheelchair truly be in a wheelchair…..but what they do to this poor boy is disgusting.

First of all, I myself am in a wheelchair so I consider myself an “expert” on how to treat a disabled person.  I don’t think throwing a kid in a wheelchair off a MOTHER****ING cliff is the way to sell your movie to kids!  Seriously, there’s a scene where the kid goes rolling down the world’s biggest hill, off a cliff into a body of water.  Let’s break this down.  He’s rolling down the smoothest grassy hill in the world.  I’ve rolled down many a hill, and there’s always twigs, grass, or you know, a fricking rock to at least slow you down or tip the chair over.  Nope, this kid’s going down Lombard Street apparently because it’s a smoothest descent.  Next the kid tries to put on his brakes and they snap off like a toothpick.  Wheelchairs have metal breaks so if these are snapping off I’d be suing the manufacturer of this chair right off the bat for shoddy merchandise.  Then, he falls off a cliff that’s easily a 50 foot drop.  Don’t ask how a residential area has a grassy hill that leads to barren, jagged quarry, but hey, must have had good rental rates.  The kid falls into a body of water and should be dead.  Not sputtering water, not flailing for help. Dead.  Joining the choir invisible dead, pushing up the daises dead!  He should be an EX-PERSON!  But no, Mac saves Eric.  Mac sees Eric going down the hill and instead of trying to make any attempt to save him mid-push he waits to save him after Eric has been thrown from his wheelchair to his death.

Okay so we have that fun ride what about the end?  Well there’s a big to-doinvolving guns and a convenience store, but it all culminates with Eric wheeling to save Mac and the building blows up!  Did this movie just blow up a handicapped child?!  Yes, they did.  But no, he’s not charred to a crisp, skin flaking off him like ashes.  He’s not even bleeding.  He’s just limp.  So what does Mac do….he wakes him up.  Apparently, Mac has the ability to heal people (you know, like E.T.!) and saves Eric.  Here’s my problem….Mac has the ability to resurrect the dead, therefore he should be able to fix any damaged cells that person has, including the damaged cells responsible for Eric’s disability!  So either Mac either possess crappy alien powers, or he’s just a total dick.  If I woke up after being brought back from the dead and was still in a wheelchair I’d be stabbing that bastard alien and asking why he didn’t just let me die!  God or whoever wouldn’t have stuck me in this chair for eternity — isn’t that what they say!  No, some douchey alien has to bring the poor kid back and say “Sorry, my power only works at 80%…but hey welcome back to Earth!”  Mac is a tool and if Eric were smart he’d give the alien to NASA with his well wishes “feel free to torture him till his bug eyes pop out.”

I’ve only touched the surface of why Mac and Me is so heinous!  I didn’t even discuss the pro-immigration stance the movie takes at the very end with the naturalization of Mac and his parents.  Yes the term “illegal alien” is taken literally.  Mac and Me is crap on another level.  I love a lot of bad movies but after watching this I wanted to take a shower and sell my soul to the Devil to remove the knowledge of this film from my brain.  If you watch it, I urge you to draw up a will, it would honestly not surprise me to hear that this movie kills people like cigarettes.  Mac and Me is making Battleship look like Citizen Kane.  Thanks again Movie Brothers to letting me unburden myself!

The Ten Worst Movies We’ve Ever Seen

Our two-year anniversary has passed. It’s hard to believe it’s gone by so quickly, and it’s even harder to fathom how quickly our site has grown. We never thought when we started that we’d be getting thousands upon thousands of readers and listeners. We humbly thank you all for reading.

And with that said, here’s the crappiest list of movies we could conjure! We’ve been cutting movies from our original list of 45 of the Worst Movies Ever Made until we came down to to these ten prize-winning pigs. Here are the movies that didn’t make the grade… or did? We’re not sure. They all suck so much that we’re not even ranking them. Instead, we’re simply naming these The Ten Worst Movies Ever Made:

Troll 2: There’s a great documentary based on this film called “Best Worst Movie.” This is a cult favorite, because it’s so horrendously bad, but I don’t see the appeal movies of similar ilk, like “Rocky Horror Picture Show.” This is pure crap, with no redeeming qualities in a movie packed with… nothing?

Pearl Harbor: In this reviewer’s humble opinion, the worst film ever made. It takes every possible misstep that a bad movie could possibly make. A stupid and pointless story? Yup! A boring and incomprehensible love triangle? You bet! A huge budget wasted by rudderless direction and bad acting? Of course! If there is one movie I wish I could bleach from my brain so that I couldn’t remember the horrible experience, this would be it!

Jaws: The Revenge: I can’t think of a series that nose dived more sequel to sequel than the Jaws series. The original Jaws is in our top 10 films of all time and its last sequel is in our top 10 worst. This film should never have been made. I can’t even imagine what morons were at the original pitch meeting that green lit this fucking mess. “Ok, we’re going to have a killer shark that is pissed at the Brody family and wants revenge.” What?!?! A vengeful shark that targets a specific family?!?! What were they thinking????

Batman & Robin: Only a film this horrible could have shut down what was, up until then, one of the biggest and profitable franchises in film history. Its visual look could be described as Gotham City if the entire area was one big gay nightclub. It contains the worst dialogue in film history, the worst acting in a comic book film ever, and the dumbest script ever! I would have said this was the worst film I’ve ever seen except that Pearl Harbor tries to recreate a pivotal point in history. This hunk of crap is at least an isolated work of fiction.

 

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie: Offensive in every meaning of the word. It’s disgusting, full of awful acting, voiceover work, special effects, terrible, horrible awful writing that makes you angry when you watch it. Some bad movies are laughable, but this is just in bad taste. I know, it’s a movie about Garbage Pail Kids. What would you expect? Well, maybe something resembling a movie. 

Battlefield Earth: If this is where becoming a scientologist leads you, give back the $240 initiation fee that their church charges to join (if you don’t believe me, click here). John Travolta’s dedication to one of L.Ron Hubbard’s stupid and shitty novels led him to make this horrendous piece of crap. It’s one of those movies that is so horrible that you actually feel nauseous while you’re watching it even when nothing gross is on screen. 

Rampage: An embarrassment to human decency. If you’re going to make a film about a psycho who goes on a bombastic murder spree gunning down innocents, shouldn’t the characters’ motivations and psychological well being be the centerpieces of the film? Well, according to schlock director Uwe Boll, no! His idea is to have the violence be the center. Why? Cause it’s just so bad ass to see a guy in full body armor walk into public places and murder innocent civilians. What a disgustingly stupid waste of time. 

Mannequin 2: On The Move: I have no idea what they were thinking when they wrote this movie. The first one had some campy charm, but this lacks all soul, brevity and whit the first one had. There’s some story about a wizard and a princess frozen in time… blah blah. It’s just a movie that falls flat on it’s face. Wooden in more ways than one.

 

Show Girls: This movie almost made us hate boobs… Almost. There are so many horrible moments, but I think the worst is the fish flopping sex scene. It’s just mind-boggling how someone could put this to celluloid and think it was good. This movie takes itself seriously. It thinks it’s a real movie, which is what makes it bad. If it was just a campy booby movie, it wouldn’t be on the list. But they actually thought they were making a real movie.

 

Mac and Me: As film critic Chris Hicks of The Desert News said: “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a movie that is as crass a 90-minute commercial as Mac and Me.” This is a movie that rips off E.T., with a homesick alien and a boy trying to get him home, but with more product placements than you can shake a stick at. The alien needs Coca-Cola to stay alive, and Ronald McDonald is a supporting cast member. Horrendously unoriginal and lacks any artistic integrity.

The Ten Worst Movies We’ve Ever Seen Part 4

Every day we’re cutting ten movies from our original list of 45 of the Worst Movies Ever Made until we’re down to ten. Brian and Matt will each chop five from the list.

Here are the movies that didn’t make the grade… or did? We’re not sure. They all suck, but they’re not going to make it to the ten worst ever.

Brian’s Vetoes

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: This movie blows, plain and simple.  But, it mainly blows because of Michael Bay’s mechanical and emotionless direction.  The technical elements are quite good and the sound engineers were terrfic.  I know these are lame reasons but have you seen the other films left on the list?

Dreamcatcher: One of the worst Stephen King adaptations ever but not the absolute worst.  That prestigious dishonor goes to Maximum Overdrive.  So, since that movie isn’t here, I’m removing Dreamcatcher.

The A-Team: This movie is god damn stupid.  It reminded me of those horrible Charlie’s Angels movies.  This was a simple process of elimination vote but I’m thrilled it made it this far.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II:The Secret of the Ooze: I almost eliminated this last round except I remembered that ninja rap song that Vanilla Ice performed near the end.  That was, in my opinion, the worst movie musical moment that has ever been printed to filom and that includes From justin to Kelly.  However, the movie is fairly faithful to its source material.

Leprechaun 4: In Space: It’s so stupid that it’s actually semi-amusing.  They didn’t take the material seriously and they got a shitty movie out of it.  The rest of flicks are worse.

Matt’s Vetoes

Leonard Part 6: Mind-numbingly bad. Bill Cosby is a talent, but he never made a good movie, and this is an example why. A futuristic time cop called from retirement? Ugh… terrible production. In TV land, he’s amazing and among the best, but here in Movie World, he’s the pits. Pudding pop, anyone?

Catwoman: There have been some bad comic book movies I think are worse, like “The Punisher” with Dolf Lundgren or “Daredevil” with Ben Affleck. This one is bad, but it slips by.

Cool As Ice: This movie was an insult to “Rebel Without a Cause.” I mean, a hip-hop version of the classic movie starring Vanilla Ice? I couldn’t have come up with that if I tried. But alas, there are worse movies on the list.

Weekend at Bernie’s II: The original was actually kind of funny, if you could separate yourself from the idea that two bumbling guys need to pretend their evil boss isn’t dead and use him in all kinds of goofy ways so they don’t get blamed for his death. But by the sequel, after the body has been through the ocean, dropped and stuffed in luggage, wouldn’t the corpse start to smell? Plus, the story just sucked this time around.

The Day After Tomorrow: Ugh, what a turd. But there are other epic disaster movies that are worse, including one left on this list.

MOVIES REMAINING ON OUR LIST:

Rampage
Mannequin 2: On The Move
Munchies
 Pearl Harbor
Jaws: The Revenge
Battlefield Earth
Batman & Robin
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
Super Mario Bros.
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Caddy Shack 2
Troll 2
Mac and Me
Show Girls

The Ten Worst Movies We’ve Ever Seen Part 3

Every day we’re cutting ten movies from our original list of 45 of the Worst Movies Ever Made until we’re down to ten. Brian and Matt will each chop five from the list.

Here are the movies that didn’t make the grade… or did? We’re not sure. They all suck, but they’re not going to make it to the ten worst ever.

Matt’s Vetoes 

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians: Thanks to the Comedy Central cult-classic TV show Mystery Science Theater 3,000, “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” has found a place of redemption in my world. It’s God awful, but not offensively so. It’s just too silly.

White Chicks: There are worse blacksplotation films than “White Chicks.” The make-up was laughable… but not in a funny, ha-ha kind of way. It looked robotic and so fake. The concept is OK, but this just fell on its face.

Vulgar: I admit this movie is not good, and it is pretty offensive. The concept, for those not familiar, is a clown shows up for a gig, gets raped by a bunch of weirdos, and then goes on to be a famous TV clown who then gets bribed by the family, yes family, who raped him. It took itself very seriously, too. What a turd. But there are worse on the list.

Zak and Miri Make a Porno: I’m cutting two Kevin Smith-related projects here, but Zak and Miri at least had lots of boobs. I rest my case.

Independence Day: It saddens me to cut a Will Smith movie, because he really does suck. If Brian had chosen “Wild Wild West” instead of this, I wouldn’t have chopped it. Alas, “Independence Day” gets the axe.

Brian’s Vetoes

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace This movie is nowhere near as bad as geeky fanboys would have you believe. Is Jar-Jar annoying? Yes. Can Jake Lloyd act? Certainly not. However, the light saber battle is spectacular and the pod race is still fun to watch.

Any “Scary Movie” film: All of these movies suck ass. In fact, the scene where a dick comes out of a bathroom hole to tickle one of the random Wayans guys in the ear is so incredibly stupid that I’m tempted to leave it on the list. However, I also know they meant for these to be dumb so I’m vetoing it.

Superman IV: The Quest for Peace: I am embarrassed for Christopher Reeve when I watch this. His performance is so earnest and consistent through all four films and yet the producers didn’t give him a budget and script to match his dedication. Such a shame but because of Reeve, this goes off.

Piranha 3-D: I really hated this fucking movie. It contains horrible special effects and NO STORY WHATSOEVER!! But, it knows what it is and doesn’t pretend to be good.

Hobo With a Shotgun: I reviewed this and gave it a 5. It was dissapointing but nowhere in the conversation of the worst films of all time.

MOVIES REMAINING ON OUR LIST:

The Day After Tomorrow
Rampage
Mannequin 2: On The Move
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Munchies
Leonard Part 6
Pearl Harbor
Jaws: The Revenge
Catwoman
Battlefield Earth
Batman & Robin
Weekend at Bernie’s 2
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
Super Mario Bros.
Dreamcatcher
The A-Team
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Caddy Shack 2
Cool As Ice
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
Troll 2
Mac and Me
Show Girls
Leprechaun 4: In Space

Hard to believe, but Superman IV could have been worse

The Ten Worst Movies We’ve Ever Seen Part 2

Every day we’re cutting ten movies from our original list of 45 of the Worst Movies Ever Made until we’re down to ten. Brian and Matt will each chop five from the list.

Here are the movies that didn’t make the grade… or did? We’re not sure. They all suck, but they’re not going to make it to the ten worst ever.

Brian’s Vetoes

The Devil’s Rejects:  I’m not sure if Rob Zombie spit at my brother in a bar but he really hates this film and I don’t get it. It’s one of my favorite films in the horror genre and should never have been on this list.

Last House on the Left:  I absolutely hate the way Wes Craven portrayed the goofy cops in this film but it has some genuinely frightening and disturbing moments.

Real Steel: Sly Stalone’s “Over the Top” with Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots. Embarrassingly dumb but not in the conversation of worst ever.

Teen Wolf:  This movie completely sucks and deserves to be on this list. However, I’m willing to concede it’s a product of 1980’s teen culture and for that I’m letting it off the hook.

Nowhere to Run: Dumb with a capital D! But, couldn’t you use that to describe every single Van Damme film?

Matt Vetoes

Moulin Rouge: Goofy as hell? Yes. But not worst ever. I mean, it won an Oscar for best picture and launched the career of Ewan McGregor.

Beloved: I think Brian was just blinded by his hatred of Oprah when he put this one on the list. Is it good? God no. This is an average flick that could have gone straight to basic cable.

Big Daddy: Yes, Adam Sandler has made some dog shit movies, and this is certainly one of them. To me, offensive movies like “Last House on the Left,” with its constant use of uneccessary and graphic rape scenes or horrible acting and attrocious violence in “The Devil’s Rejects” make those far worse. Bad, but not worst ever.

Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Prices: Poorly made documentary that stirred up a ton of press and got way more distribution and viewing than it deserved. Definitely in the conversation for worst documentaries, and worthy of this list, but not the top ten. P.S. I hate Wal-Mart.

Leprechaun in the Hood: A bong-smoking gangsta leprechaun? Now we’ve seen everything.  One of the Leprechaun movies had to go from the list. Leprechaun in Space just seems worse… though not by much.

MOVIES REMAINING ON OUR LIST:

The Day After Tomorrow
Independence Day
Rampage
Vulgar
Mannequin 2: On The Move
Zak and Miri Make a Porno
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Munchies
Howard The Duck
Leonard Part 6
Any “Scary Movie” film
Pearl Harbor
White Chicks
Jaws: The Revenge
Catwoman
Battlefield Earth
Batman & Robin
Weekend at Bernie’s 2
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
Super Mario Bros.
Superman IV
Hobo With a Shotgun
Dreamcatcher
The A-Team
Piranha 3-D
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Caddy Shack 2
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Cool As Ice
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
Troll 2
Mac and Me
Show Girls
Leprechaun 4: In Space

The Ten Worst Movies We’ve Ever Seen Part 1

In honor of our two-year anniversary, The Movie Brothers, Brian and Matt, are giving you the Ten Worst Movies We’ve Ever Seen. On our one-year anniversary, we started the Ten Greatest Films Ever.

Brian and Matt picked this list of 45 films we wanted to consider for the ten worst. Each day until our anniversary, we will remove ten films from the list and explanation why. The Movie Brothers will each pick five films to cut from the list each day until we are down to ten.  It’s important we state these are the worst films we’ve ever seen verse worst films ever. For example, we’ve never seen the films “Justin to Kelly” or “Glitter,” but we’ve heard they suck and assume that’s true. However, they can’t be on our list because we’ve never actually watched them. Here goes:

Moulin Rouge
The Day After Tomorrow
Independence Day
Rampage
Vulgar
Mannequin 2: On The Move
Zak and Miri Make a Porno
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Nowhere To Run
Munchies
Howard The Duck
Leonard Part 6
Any “Scary Movie” film
Beloved
Pearl Harbor
Teen Wolf
White Chicks
Big Daddy
Jaws: The Revenge
Catwoman
Battlefield Earth
Batman & Robin
Weekend at Bernie’s 2
Real Steel
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
Super Mario Bros.
Superman IV
Last House on the Left
The Devil’s Rejects
Hobo With a Shotgun
Leprechaun in the Hood
Dreamcatcher
The A-Team
Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Prices
Piranha 3-D
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Caddy Shack 2
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Cool As Ice
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
Troll 2
Mac and Me
Show Girls
Leprechaun 4: In Space

Here’s Top 50 worst from  IMDB.com

Top 5 overrated directors

Brian

I’m going to preface this by saying that James Cameron didn’t make my list. He’s not an overrated director. If anything, he’s an overrated to below average writer. I’ll also say that Spike Lee and Oliver Stone didn’t make my list because they have made at least two great films (JFK and Wall Street for Stone and Malcolm X and Do the Right Thing for Lee). There’s no way I can name a director with at least two films of a 9 or 10 quality overrated because you can catch lightning in a bottle once but not twice. For example, George Lucas is not on my list despite some people’s grumblings about the prequels. The guy directed American Graffiti, THX 1138 (one of the most underrated sci-fi masterpieces of all time), and Star Wars. You can’t be overrated if those were the only good films you ever made. Anyway, I just wanted to explain my logic going into this. So here we go:

5. Ang Lee: Other than Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, this guy is the master of the good but not great and sometimes awful. Sense and Sensibility was OK and got nominated for seven Academy Awards, Brokeback Mountain was decent but got too much attention because of its controversial subject matter (including a directing Oscar for Ang Lee), and Hulk was horrible. I never get excited for his work because he’s very inconsistent and never amazing.

4. Kevin Smith: Kevin Smith is a very good writer and an extremely overrated director. If you watch any of his films, they are devoid of any sense of style whatsoever. He actually shoots them like a sitcom. It’s a 2-shot, 3-shot, 1-shot type of approach that I’m very familiar with working in the TV business. His compensation in making films has always been that he’s very smart and writes some great dialogue. He also has an adamant cult following that few filmmakers enjoy. I’m a big fan of Clerks but the rest is full of his filmography is very hit or miss and the hits are never out of the park.

3. M. Night Shamylan: He’s actually starting to get exposed as a fraud. After The Village, Lady in the Water, The Happening, and The Last Airbender, he’s proven that he no longer has any good ideas. I was actually a fan of The Sixth Sense, Signs, and Unbreakable but none of them are great. I’d give Sixth Sense an 8, Unbreakable and Signs a 7. The rest are 4 and below quality. A lot of people forget that he was once thought of as the next Spielberg. I’d say those voices are mute now.

2. Ron Howard: Ron Howard movies are generally stuffed with way more emotion than is needed and very little ground that has never been tread before. Most of his style is derivative of other, more talented directors, like Zemeckis and Spielberg. He has one great film in his entire 30 year resume and that would be Frost/Nixon. And, as far as that film goes, the main engine is the performance of Frank Langella, which is spellbinding if you’ve never seen it. The rest of his work is average. Beautiful Mind is horribly overrated, Backdraft is OK, Grinch, Davinci Code and its sequel were horrible, and Splash has been forgotten. A bad director? No way, but very overrated.

1. Baz Luhrman: This guy nearly squeaked into my top 5 worst directors list. He should thank his personal God that there are people like Uwe Boll and Roland Emmerich out there. He has been nominated several times for Academy Awards and I don’t get it. He has never made one film that would qualify for better than shitty in my book. Strictly Ballroom was awful, Romeo and Juliet was an incoherent mess, Moulin Rouge was absolutely horrendous, and Australia was a critical and commercial flop despite two A-list stars. He has a visual style that I would actually classify as annoying.

Top 5 most overrated movies

There are plenty of films that become critics darlings, or take the film award season by storm. Many of them, however, are crap. For instance, the timeless film “Raging Bull” was nominated for several Oscars, including best picture in 1980. Can you tell me who won? “Ordinary People” took home the award. It was crap. Here are two lists of our most overrated movies.

Brian

5. The English Patient: By the time this overlong, overly sentimental film is over, the most painful thing is that you’ll never get that 3 hours of your life back.  It’s complete drivel that somehow managed to pull out a best picture Oscar.  Such a shame….

WARNING: Watch this movie in bed, as you are likely to fall asleep, just like the actors did in this film clip.

4.  The Pink Panther (Any of them): Another film that is heralded as a classic and put Blake “no talent” Edwards on the map.  He only had one good movie ever with “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.”  The rest are pure garbage.  “The Pink Panther” is terribly dull and unfunny — I had a hard time staying awake.  Classic? I think not.

In search of a funny movie? Look elsewhere.

3.  Chicago: Another best picture winner that has the deodorizer known as an Oscar to cover up the rank smell of shit permeating from this turd.  No plot, no characters I care about, musical tunes that are boring or sung completely out of tune (Richard Gere, you bastard, my ears will never be the same) are among the highlights of a film that has already been forgotten.

2. Shakespeare in Love: This won best picture over “Saving Private Ryan”…  Wait a minute, I just had to catch my breath.  Let me try this again.  THIS WON BEST PICTURE OVER SAVING PRIVATE RYAN?!?!?!?!!  You’ve got to be kidding me!  That’s all I have to say.

1.  Moulin Rouge: One of the worst films that I have ever seen in 34 years on this Earth was nominated for eight fucking Academy Awards.  What in the hell were they smoking?!  This movie has zero plot, characters that completely suck, musical numbers borrowed from modern sources that don’t work in the slightest, and the most annoying editing I’ve ever seen.  It moves like a manic snot nosed child who ate too much sugar while staring at a bad 60’s fashion show.  Baz Luhrman, please, just stay away from the camera.  You don’t belong there.  All of your movies suck but this one is the worst.

Shiny! But all the glitz adds up to little substance.

—————————————————

Matt

5. Animal House: John Belushi was an exceptional talent. His work on “Saturday Night Live” set a precedence the show strives to replicate to this day. But “Animal House” is trite, silly without being funny, and hard to stomach. It’s not a terrible movie, it’s below average for certain, but not at all deserving of the iconic status its been elevated to.

If you think eating like a slob is funny, you'll love this movie.

4. Brokeback Mountain: Heath Ledger gave an incredible performance in this movie about two cowboys who become lovers while trying to maintain a normal life in rural, close-minded America. However, this is “Romeo and Juliet” with two gay cowboys. It’s predictable in every fashion and also very slow. This should not have won a best writing Oscar.

3. Shakespeare In Love: I took a date to see this movie. It was a perfect date movie. We laughed, we were entertained, and I’d give this film a positive review. However, it is not worthy of 7 Oscars, let along a best picture award over “Saving Private Ryan.” Gwyneth Paltrow’s performance was solid, but not worthy of a best acting Oscar. Judi Dench was in the movie eight minutes and won a best supporting actress Oscar. Ridiculous. Can we say overrated critics darling?

Someone needs to punch these two.

2. Titanic: This movie had a titanic mess of a script. Even amazing actors like Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslett couldn’t give anything but wooden performances with this cheesy script. James Cameron knows how to make a visual spectacle, but doesn’t know how to develop a character. This was not worthy of a best picture Oscar. Here’s a lovely piece of dialogue.
Jack: Where to, Miss?
Rose: To the stars.

Gag!

1. Lord of the Rings Trilogy: I loved these movies when they came out in the theaters. When I got them on DVD, and sat down with a buttery bowl of popcorn, I couldn’t believe what a huge nerd I was. I wish I could jump in a time machine and smack me for liking these trite, horribly written films with characters that are overly sentimental, wooden, and boring. If wizards and goblins are your thing, have at it. I like motorcycles, sports, beer and women. You can have your Dungeons and Dragons.

Sam: I made a promise, Mr. Frodo. A promise. “Don’t you leave him Samwise Gamgee.” And I don’t mean to. I don’t mean to.

When you say your last sentence twice, you know it’s good writing. You know it’s good writing.