I just want to take this opportunity to apologize to our readers. I was wrong, and I’m sorry.
There’s no way on God’s green Earth that I should have posted my cousin Shawn’s review of “The A-Team.” He was giddy with joy, bubbling with a childlike excitement over this reboot of the 1980s television show about a group of Army Rangers wrongly arrested, but who break out of jail and work as soldiers of fortune — helping the most needy along the way. He posted publicly on facebook that it was far better and more enjoyable than the Academy Award-nominated “Black Swan.” I never should have posted that review, in which he gave it a 7 out of 10.
I promised in our podcast that I would watch the A-Team and give my honest opinion of it. Shawn said I had been unfair to the movie, since I lambasted it when it hadn’t even hit theater. I listed it as a movie you shouldn’t waste your money on this summer.
Well, my wife and I sat down to watch this over the weekend, and I have to say, that those are some of the worst 117 minutes I have ever spent in my life. This film embodies everything that is wrong with Hollywood. It’s full of moronic dialogue, hokey plots, action that is simply insulting to your intelligence, wooden acting, and a source material that was recycled from a television show that was never even good to begin with.
The film starts out with Liam Neeson’s character being absolutely pummeled by two hulks that are just throwing haymakers at his face while he’s strapped to a chair. He, of course, has a key hidden in his mouth and escapes — WITHOUT A MARK ON HIS FACE. After he escapes, he just randomly comes across three other Army Rangers on three separate occasions within minutes who come together joyously as The A-Team. Isn’t that special?
Later, the crew gets shot down in a plane and escape in a tank in the sky. Naturally, the tank has some parachutes attached. While falling, they shoot down drones that are firing at them. Obviously, you can’t land a tank — let’s not ask ourselves, then, why it has parachutes — so they fire the cannon with great precision to direct the plummeting tank — now down to one parachute from three — and land it safely in a lake. They then drive out of the lake. Naturally. Somewhere in there is a plot about forfeiting and espionage. It’s not worth getting into.
This film has an i.q. equal to the rating I give it — a big fat 2.
After moving into a new home, Josh (Patrick Wilson) and his wife Renai (Rose Byrne) confront terrifying tribulations when their son Dalton (Ty Simpkins) falls into a coma and his body starts to attract malevolent forces from a mysterious netherworld. But when the family decides to move again, hoping to leave the evil spirits behind, they realize that their problems are just beginning. James Wan (Saw) directs.
Rating: 5 out of 10
The first hour of this movie was outstanding. One of the best horror films to come out in years. It had me jumping and nervous, and was a great date night movie that was intriguing, smart, well-paced with great performances and sharp direction.
The last act of the movie, however, took a huge nosedive. We are given the impression that a demon is after a little boy’s soul. We get narrow glimpses of him throughout the movie but never see him. It’s the Alfred Hitchcock theory that what the audience doesn’t see is what scares them the most. And it’s true.
In the last act, however, we get so much over-the-top demon, it just gets downright silly. It really stopped my viewing pleasure and made the whole thing seem silly. The ending is strong, and has a nice twist, but I was disinterested by the time it got there. It’s a shame, because this movie was so close to being amazing. Hard to say it’s anything better than average, though.
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Tagged Andrew Astor, Angus Sampson, Barbara Hershey, Cinema, commentary, drama, entertainment, entertainment news, Film, ghost, Ghostbusters 3, ghosts, haunting, Heather Tocquigny, horror, Horror Movies, Insidious, James Wan, Leigh Whannell, Lin Shaye, movie, Movie Camp, movie news, movie review, Movie reviews, movies, murder, mystery, Patrick Wilson, review, Rose Byrne, Scary, scary movie, science fiction, Supernatural Horror Movies, suspense, The Movie Brothers, Theater, thriller, Ty Simpkins