A young band heads to the woods in order to focus on writing new songs. Hoping to emerge with new music that will score them their big break, they instead find themselves in the middle of a nightmare beyond comprehension.
Matt Rating: 2 out of 10
Stop me if you’ve heard this one: A bunch of hipsters go into the woods to make a musical horror movie…
No, it’s not a joke, it’s real. It’s a genuine effort by Vincent D’Onofrio to make a slasher flick that doubles as a genuine musical, chock full o’ tunes… like a jillion songs. This has more songs than “Fiddler on the Roof” and “Singin’ In the Rain” combined. The victims are literally breaking into song as they’re being sliced and diced.
Vincent D’Onofrio, who is a talented actor, wrote and directed this flick, which I have to guess was a labor of love that he made for a dime with no-name actors. There are a couple tunes that weren’t bad, but they couldn’t make up for bad acting, poor special effects, a lackluster villain, a laughable presentation, and even worse premise. It would be one thing if this was all done with tongue in cheeck as a campy movie, but it’s not. It’s dead serious about being a horror flick and a musical.
In a dystopian future ruled by a totalitarian regime, resourceful Katniss and her partner, Peeta, represent their district in the lethal Hunger Games — a televised survival competition in which teenage contestants fight each other to the death.
Brian
Rating: 3 out of 10
Have you ever sat and thought about what you thought the future might be like? Will we be driving flying cars? What kinds of video technologies and modern conveniences will change our daily routines? Will we travel to distant planets?
I’m pretty sure your idea of the distant future wasn’t a split society where one half was the “Grapes of Wrath” where poor people hunt their dinner with bow and arrows and the other half was a technologically advanced group of drag queens that all wear makeup and can’t wait to watch young people kill each other in a boring game of “Lord of the Flies.”
The ideas in this film are so derivative of other, more original films and books that executed their material better. It takes the games of survival from “Battle Royale,” the split societies from “1984,” and the TV audience from “The Running Man.” It’s all wrapped up in a package that is completely devoid of any suspense, interesting characters, or drama. I was also shocked at just how bloodless it is. Here we have a gladiator game of survival put together as some form of half-ass peace treaty between two societies that had a war. The idea is to put different members from tribes into a survival game in a world that looks like the dome from “The Truman Show” — another film that Hunger Games rips off. The Truman dome in this film is populated with explosives, bows and arrows, knives, and spears. But somehow, we almost never see any blood. This film is so cowardly and money driven that it sanitizes the material to earn a PG-13. Instead of having a dramatic game of “survival at all costs” we end up with a stupid love story without chemistry. Why?!?! Did the writers not realize that every man for themselves was interesting on its own? Did they also not realize that a sense of danger could have been created by upping the violence? I’m not saying gratuitous violence, but make me feel the hopelessness and despair that this situation would cause. It also doesn’t even get to the games for almost an hour and a half!!! We spend time watching the characters walk around their poor town, talk, get recruited for the games, talk some more, hear about their mission in the games, talk, and talk and talk…….ABOUT NOTHING! There is not ONE piece of memorable dialogue in this crap fest.
I would rate it even lower but the director does execute what’s on the written page well. Also, Jennifer Lawrence is a very capable actress and has a wonderful screen presence. It’s a shame that they weren’t given better material to work with.
Will Ferrell stars as a Spanish-speaking cowboy in this comedy about a Mexican clan trying to rescue their ranch from greedy creditors. When his brother can’t save the day, the simple but noble ranch hand takes on a powerful drug lord.
Matt Rating: 5 out of 10
In theory, I should love this film: Will Farrell stars in a Spanish-language film that lampoons old Mexican movies in a campy romp. In reality, it just kind of fell flat for me.
There were a couple really funny moments where I laughed hard. There’s a very amusing love scene with some uncomfortable close-ups of Farrell’s posterior. It had me cracking up. But a lot of this movie just didn’t go anywhere, or meandered. There weren’t enough jokes.
This movie does succeed in where Farrell is great as a comedic actor, and that’s character development. In Anchor Man, his character Ron Burgundy has layers of character, and the title roles in this film are given that same treatment. But in the end, the execution fell far short of the premise.
Voiced by Antonio Banderas, the dauntless feline of legend goes on an animated adventure to purloin a priceless golden-egg-laying goose. To help him on his mission, Puss brings along his friends Humpty Dumpty and the super-stealthy Kitty Softpaws.
Matt Rating: 9 out of 10
This is by far smarter, funnier, more clever, witty, and fun than any of the Shrek films. Each of its unneeded sequels got dumber and dumber, which is why I ignored this spin-off completely. That was a huge mistake.
There were moments where I genuinely laughed out out loud. I delighted in the equisite detail of the animation and the backgrounds that drip with color in a Spanish-inspired fairy tale world. And I adored the theft of classic cowboy and Spanish films that no doubt inspired director Chris Miller (Shrek the Third). There is so much love poured into this film, and it’s obvious in all the detail that layers this movie over and over again.
And the performances are great, from the self-afacing Antonio Benderas, who is lampooning himself in the title role, to Salma Hayek, Zach Galifanakis and Billy Bob Thornton. It’s an awesome cast with a compelling storyline wrapped in a wonderfully crafted film. It’s one of the best animated films I’ve seen in years.
Jason Stillwell, a Bruce Lee fan, is beaten numerous times and trains from the ghost of Lee. Jason then must use his newly acquired skills to save Seattle from a crime syndicate, whose top martial artist is the deadly Ivan
Matt Rating: 2 out of 10
Sometimes it’s hard to tell where terrible movie begins, and movie camp ends. Such is the case with “No Retreat, No Surrender.”
This is truly a laughably bad movie. A boy’s father has his dojo taken from him, they split town to Seattle, only to find he runs into trouble with local kids. Stop me if you’ve heard this one… cough… Karate Kid… cough. So he takes up karate lessons with the ghost of Bruce Lee after visiting his grave and begging him for guidance. Yup, couldn’t make this up.
Throw in terrible acting, unfocused directing, and a love story wedged in with a montage of corny cliches, and you have a mess of a movie. No bad movie would be complete without a stereotypical, token black best friend who raps and break dances, a fat bully who shovels down burgers and cake, along with a Russian bad guy played by Jean Claud Van Dam who he fights in an anti-climactic ending. It’s the perfect a wretched movie that jumps the boundaries of skill and storytelling into a place where there is a complete lack of imagination and narrative.
There are moments that are really funny because of how bad they are, especially when the token black friend busts some cheesy-ass rhymes while the scene cuts to break-dancing sequences that obviously use a dance double. This is the poor man’s “Karate Kid,” without any endearing qualities. I with I could give “No Retreat, No Surrender” a roundhouse kick to the face.
Helen runs, miles a day, to burn off energy: she’s an emotional celibate. Going through the post at her shop, she finds a romantic and poetic letter between the couch cushions, unsigned, and thinks it’s for her. It melts her resistance to feelings, and soon she undertakes an affair with Johnny, a collegiate employee. In the background is Helen’s long-time friend, George, who loves her.
Matt Rating: 4 out of 10
This is the kind of movie I get roped into watching while my wife is sick. She’s sitting there on the couch with a red nose, all stuffed up, sipping Thera-Flu and coughing. How can I tell her “Hell no!” when she wants to watch a sap-fest like “The Love Letter.”
So I made it through every minute of this flick, and while there are some genuinely interesting moments and performances, the film lays flat and lifeless. It’s actually funny, because every time my wife and I go to see a chick flick, I end up liking it more. But in this case, it’s a turd.
It’s pretty predictable. A chilly bookstore owner has a guy that’s been pining for her for years. A college boy comes to work at her store, they have a torrid love affair, guy whose been pining for her gets hurt, college boy goes back to school with broken heart. Chilly book store owner learns her lesson to open her heart, but is still alone. It’s so very French-film, they even make a joke about it in the movie. You could do a lot better than this flick, but I will say Kate Capshaw is good in this film. If you watch the trailer below, you pretty much watched the movie, although it’s much more dramatic than it lets on.
Hi all you readers in the interwebs, I’m Kristen, founder of the Journeys in Classic Film blog and I’m hear to discuss a film that holds a place in my heart, whether I like it or not.
I was honored and humbled when I was contacted by the eponymous The Movie Brothers to break down my hatred of the film Mac and Me, a movie they deemed “worthy” of being one of the ten worst movies they’ve ever seen. I seconded that notion heartily as I, too, have seen the utter shit that is Mac and Me. I originally saw this 1988 E.T. rip-off when doing a commentary track for my now defunct film podcast. A listener had said there was no movie worth discussing more than this film. I’ve seen bad movies before but I had never seen anything as bad as this film. Mac and Me will make you question life, love, Hollywood, and your very sanity. The story of a small boy and the bug-eyed dumpster baby (or alien as the box claims) that hang out together is an abomination to film and all that it stands for!
The movie tells the story of Eric (Jade Calegory), a young boy in a wheelchair who recently moves to a new house. Once there he meets an alien running away from NASA and separated from his parents. As Eric and the alien try to find the missing alien parents and escape NASA the audience questions: “Why is McDonalds so prevalent,” “Why does this kid never see the alien standing right in front of him…is he blind, too?” And the biggest query of them all: “Who the bloody hell is Mac?”
Director, screenwriter, best boy; no one can answer the immortal question: Who or what is Mac? IMDb tries to answer the question with the name “Mysterious Alien Creature,” but you can tell whoever’s writing the synopsis isn’t sure because they add (Mac?) into the very synopsis! Yes, the IMDb plotline to this movie has more guesses than a Wikipedia page. The movie was a blatant attempt to rip-off E.T. and is filled to the gills with product placement, predominately for McDonalds. Don’t believe me? Check out the break dancing scene at a McDonalds. I’ve been to many a McDonalds and have never seen anyone break-dance, nor have been inclined to break-dance. Personally, who the hell eats in a McDonald’s anymore? I know, I know, this is 1988 but they still had drive-thrus! It’s not like McDonalds is the go-to place to have a step up dance party…everyone knows you do that at IHOP!
There’s a LOT I could complain about in regards to this film but I doubt my kind editors on this site want me to fill up a book. There’s the whole plotline about the aliens wandering for forty years in the desert (oh they aren’t…they’re just stupid) or the fact that Mac looks like a weird mutant baby out of the Hills Have Eyes, nope my problem is in the main character of little Eric. I do applaud the movie – yes I just said applaud, stop laughing – for hiring a genuinely disabled actor for this film. So many movies put Tom Cruise in a wheelchair and expect you to believe him so it’s refreshing to see a person in a wheelchair truly be in a wheelchair…..but what they do to this poor boy is disgusting.
First of all, I myself am in a wheelchair so I consider myself an “expert” on how to treat a disabled person. I don’t think throwing a kid in a wheelchair off a MOTHER****ING cliff is the way to sell your movie to kids! Seriously, there’s a scene where the kid goes rolling down the world’s biggest hill, off a cliff into a body of water. Let’s break this down. He’s rolling down the smoothest grassy hill in the world. I’ve rolled down many a hill, and there’s always twigs, grass, or you know, a fricking rock to at least slow you down or tip the chair over. Nope, this kid’s going down Lombard Street apparently because it’s a smoothest descent. Next the kid tries to put on his brakes and they snap off like a toothpick. Wheelchairs have metal breaks so if these are snapping off I’d be suing the manufacturer of this chair right off the bat for shoddy merchandise. Then, he falls off a cliff that’s easily a 50 foot drop. Don’t ask how a residential area has a grassy hill that leads to barren, jagged quarry, but hey, must have had good rental rates. The kid falls into a body of water and should be dead. Not sputtering water, not flailing for help. Dead. Joining the choir invisible dead, pushing up the daises dead! He should be an EX-PERSON! But no, Mac saves Eric. Mac sees Eric going down the hill and instead of trying to make any attempt to save him mid-push he waits to save him after Eric has been thrown from his wheelchair to his death.
Okay so we have that fun ride what about the end? Well there’s a big to-doinvolving guns and a convenience store, but it all culminates with Eric wheeling to save Mac and the building blows up! Did this movie just blow up a handicapped child?! Yes, they did. But no, he’s not charred to a crisp, skin flaking off him like ashes. He’s not even bleeding. He’s just limp. So what does Mac do….he wakes him up. Apparently, Mac has the ability to heal people (you know, like E.T.!) and saves Eric. Here’s my problem….Mac has the ability to resurrect the dead, therefore he should be able to fix any damaged cells that person has, including the damaged cells responsible for Eric’s disability! So either Mac either possess crappy alien powers, or he’s just a total dick. If I woke up after being brought back from the dead and was still in a wheelchair I’d be stabbing that bastard alien and asking why he didn’t just let me die! God or whoever wouldn’t have stuck me in this chair for eternity — isn’t that what they say! No, some douchey alien has to bring the poor kid back and say “Sorry, my power only works at 80%…but hey welcome back to Earth!” Mac is a tool and if Eric were smart he’d give the alien to NASA with his well wishes “feel free to torture him till his bug eyes pop out.”
I’ve only touched the surface of why Mac and Me is so heinous! I didn’t even discuss the pro-immigration stance the movie takes at the very end with the naturalization of Mac and his parents. Yes the term “illegal alien” is taken literally. Mac and Me is crap on another level. I love a lot of bad movies but after watching this I wanted to take a shower and sell my soul to the Devil to remove the knowledge of this film from my brain. If you watch it, I urge you to draw up a will, it would honestly not surprise me to hear that this movie kills people like cigarettes. Mac and Me is making Battleship look like Citizen Kane. Thanks again Movie Brothers to letting me unburden myself!
It’s a nail-biting race against time as an unmanned train carrying a load of lethal chemicals speeds out of control, and a conductor and engineer do everything in their power to keep it from derailing and killing tens of thousands of people. Denzel Washington leads the cast in Tony Scott’s tough-minded action thriller, in which a terrible circumstance forces a cThis ain’t training. In training they just give you an F. Out here you get killed.
ouple of ordinary men to become extraordinary heroes.
Matt Rating: 3 out of 10
This is based on a true story. While moving a train in a station, a train depot worker forgot to switch the tracks, so he hops out of the moving train and tries to hit the switch, but the train gets away from him. Man, would I hate to be that guy. I think this movie would have been more interesting if it was from their perspective — all the guilt and feeling of helplessness as this train lumbered on a path of destruction and mayhem. Sure, the heroes are cool and all, but they get stuck with bad hero-like dialogue, like: “This ain’t training. In training they just give you an F. Out here you get killed.”
The other part is, since it’s based on real events, it’s kind of anti-climactic since we know they stop the train (SPOILER) and the action parts are fictionalized and dramatized to cartoonish proportions that it actually takes away from the real bravery and guts these men displayed. This movie suffers from a lot. Bad dialogue and poor attempts at developing characters with talk about marital problems.
I will say that Denzel Washington is always good. But he’s better than this movie. There’s a lot of things better than this movie. Root canal for instance.
This gory, gleefully over-the-top revenge fantasy stars Rutger Hauer as the Hobo, a bum who rolls into town hoping to start over, only to find his adopted city saturated in violence and ruled by a vicious crime lord known as the Drake (Brian Downey). The Hobo’s answer? Pick up his handy pump-action scattergun and start laying waste to crooks, corrupt cops and every other lowlife who crosses his path.
Brian Rating: 5 out of 10 Warning: This review contains minor spoilers.
I literally spent half the day trying to figure out how to rate this movie. Do I rate it a 7 and praise its audacity to offend and repulse its audience or do I go the other way and rate it a 3 for its lousy production value and over the top antagonists? I decided to take the easy way out and go right down the middle.
There’s a lot to like and lot to dislike about “Hobo with a Shotgun.” I’ll start with the praise by saying that the movie delivers exactly what the title implies. It’s a hearkening back (similar to the Tarantino and Rodriguez’s recent efforts) to the 1970’s grindhouse cinema that was known more for shock than substance. Rutger Hauer is perfectly cast as the title character and adds an element of humanity to a film containing extremely little of it. It has been interesting to see these Grindhouse resurgences starring extremely talented actors. It definitely goes against traditional films of this type. Only a few of them contained even a shred of acting chops. Nowadays, we have Rutger Hauer, Kurt Russell, Robert Deniro, and others starring in them.
But, I digress. The other elements that worked are the over the top action scenes — one containing two assassins sent to a hospital dressed like a cross between an S&M dominatrix and Darth Vader is particularly good. Another is a montage of scenes where the hobo gets revenge with… well, you guessed it… his shotgun. Blood flies, limbs are severed, decapitations occur, and the film is off to a terrific and bloody start. Then, something terrible happens. The three main antagonists, all played horribly over the top, decide to “shock the people.” Two of them enter a school bus with a flame thrower and taunt a bus full of 6-9 year old kids. It ends with the flame thrower mowing them all down and a young girl half on fire pounding on the bus window and screaming. All of a sudden, I wasn’t having fun anymore. There are certain lines you don’t cross while trying to make a fun and bloody romp and the #1 amongst them is leave the kids out of it. It’s impossible for almost anyone to laugh and have a good time during a grindhouse flick when they’re watching young children screaming while they’re being burned to death. It’s clear that director Jason Eisener was trying to cross every line he could find. I’ll never knock anyone for trying to go places others won’t go but it ruined a film I was starting to like. I think “Hobo with a Shotgun” is going to be a cult film for a long time, but it won’t get a repeated viewing by me.
From The Vault is our new feature, showcasing forgotten favorites from all our writers. Victor DeLeon kicks off the series with one of his favorites, “The Hidden.”
A string of cold-blooded murders puzzles diligent Los Angeles detective Tom Beck (Michael Nouri), who can’t figure out why regular people keep turning into merciless killers. When mysterious FBI agent Lloyd arrives (Kyle MacLachlan), Beck learns his problem is from another world. Soon, Beck is the human caught in the middle of an extraterrestrial showdown that’s playing out on the streets of Los Angeles. Jack Sholder directs this sci-fi cult classic.
Victor Rating: 8 out of 10
Jack Sholder directs this 1987 sci fi-action film that oozes 80s buddy cop charm but with a neat “Terminator meets Invasion of the Body Snatchers” twist. The Hidden stars Micheal Nouri and Kyle MacLachlan as two law enforcement agents paired up to investigate why regular people are turning into wicked killers that rob, flirt, attack, drive very fast and love to shoot civilians. MacLachlan’s character is not all that he seems — and he seems to know many things regarding the perps. Nouri of course is in the dark for most of the film as he is lead around the city trying to figure all this out.
“The Hidden,” besides it’s charm, sports great make-up and alien FX and some great shootouts and car chases that solidify it as a fast action film. Also, just about every conceivable character actor from every 80s action film is in this. The film also has plenty of great humor and plays out with many nods to early classic sci fi films of the 50s and 60s. And the “X-Files” type storyline doesn’t feel dated, either.
“The Hidden” easily rates a retro classic with it’s amusing amalgam of sci-fi heart and action. Mouri and MacLachlan are the meat of the film as we watch them take on some nasty alien slugs that cause mayhem and destruction throughout. A fun, under-rated movie, “The Hidden” is a must watch for sci-fi fans.
In a dystopian future ruled by a totalitarian regime, resourceful Katniss and her partner, Peeta, represent their district in the lethal Hunger Games — a televised survival competition in which teenage contestants fight each other to the death.
The Movie Brothers 
Don’t Go Into The Woods
Matt
Rating: 2 out of 10
Stop me if you’ve heard this one: A bunch of hipsters go into the woods to make a musical horror movie…
No, it’s not a joke, it’s real. It’s a genuine effort by Vincent D’Onofrio to make a slasher flick that doubles as a genuine musical, chock full o’ tunes… like a jillion songs. This has more songs than “Fiddler on the Roof” and “Singin’ In the Rain” combined. The victims are literally breaking into song as they’re being sliced and diced.
Vincent D’Onofrio, who is a talented actor, wrote and directed this flick, which I have to guess was a labor of love that he made for a dime with no-name actors. There are a couple tunes that weren’t bad, but they couldn’t make up for bad acting, poor special effects, a lackluster villain, a laughable presentation, and even worse premise. It would be one thing if this was all done with tongue in cheeck as a campy movie, but it’s not. It’s dead serious about being a horror flick and a musical.
This movie is really just a joke.
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